#because normal motivation in this field of work is more insane than anything

[madwomansapologist]

there is a certain insanity that makes people decide to become sorcerers. having an innate technique isn't enough, they have to want to work in such a cruel field and more than that they need to not have anyone willing to do anything to stop them from doing so.

miwa and nobara are, from the younger cast, the only ones with mundane reasons. one wants to help her family, the other would rather die than staying on the same fucked up town. it's clear miwa has a great relationship with her family, and clear nobara hasn't.

which makes me think of nanami, the most normal sorcerer from the older cast. the only sorcerer of his family, putting his life and innocence in danger when he was still a student. if you have a family that will have your back (like nobara hasn't) you don't do that. if you have a good socioeconomical situation (like miwa hasn't) you don't do that. for me, it's clear nanami lacks both of them.

not only i think he used to live dangerously closer to the line of poverty during his youth, i also think someone with at least a bit of care or love for their own family would judge suguru for killing his parents. but nanami couldn't care.

[hourcat]

hey I was reading your obj/Eli stuff (I know it’s been years) and I was wondering a couple things…

how did u get into them?

how do you write a ship when no one else is - like what motivates u?

how do u feel about them now??

I want to say okay they are amazingly written etc the characterization GOD keebevh but personally I always feel bittersweet when in a small ship fandom and quite sad when there are no longer any works for years. and gosh I shipppp it so much

oh my god. my love. hello!!! i literally did not even realize people still ventured back in n the nfl rpf archives to see yingyang!verse 🥺🥺 im so touched 🫶 and am so so happy to answer ur questions!!!! i woke up earlier than normal, checked my inbox n read this ask, and could not stop thinking abt it when i tried to go back to sleep, lol. so i'll put em under a read more bc i get the feeling im gonna be rambly

how did u get into them?

by watching the games, honestly. LOL. i always enjoyed their relationship on the field (eli threw more touchdowns to odell than anyone else in his sixteen year career, which is an insane fact considering they only played together for like....five of those years) and as a giants fan obviously i was like “YES I WANT FIVE MORE OF THOSE LITTLE BLONDE BITCHES” because it was so, so fun to watch them.

but what drove me to shipping them romantically was a moment i first caught after the giants/dolphins game in 2015. the giants won (something they RARELY do, especially during the O years) and like always, at the end of the broadcast, the camera kind of meanders around the field to catch some post-game shots. and i saw eli and odell huddled real close together. i couldn’t figure out what they were doing but i knew it was kind of sus u know. upon further investigation (aka me desperately searching youtube for game footage) i found it.

this.

and that’s where it really started. QBs always have really intimate relationships with their WRs when they’ve got good on-field chemistry and these two were truly, truly no exception.

how do you write a ship when no one else is - like what motivates u?

honestly i would say it was hard but tbh? it wasn’t hard at all. when you love a pairing enough and you SEE what they are enough, it’s easy to write because it’s all you think about. you know? i had a good little mini-circle around me about them which helped me generate the ideas, and i have always craved attention and validation so of course i was gonna post it to ao3 even if no one else cared. i wrote SO much more than the yyverse content up there, too, but i was terribly afraid of the way i’d put eli/odell on the filters section singlehandedly so i stopped lol. it all went to my e/o fic library archive on here (@eoverse).

it also made it so much better when people who DIDN’T care about them suddenly did because of my fics?? which was SUCH motivation, too. being the one to open someone’s eyes like that is a special privilege imo. it’s power but in like...a tender kind of way. like holding someone’s hand and bringing them into the light. i was so addicted to that feeling.

how do u feel about them now??

oh, they devastate me. for a while i was so mad at odell after he got traded because it felt like he left me (and eli, ESPECIALLY, considering the fact that eli didn’t even know he got traded until ESPN announced it like he rest of us. dave gettleman i am in your fucking walls) and it kind of ended on a sour note. they didn’t talk to each other for a while. they never won anything substantial together which just felt like a deeper knife to the gut.

and then i moved on. and discovered that eli is actually rearranging the guts of the quarterback who replaced him after retirement (the elidj agenda is real and insane and you should not ask me about it because i have written, if possible, MORE about them than i did e/o) and for a while, kind of forgot. but my love for eli/odell never really faded, i don’t think. it’s nostalgia. i miss when odell was young. i miss when eli played. i miss how they hugged every pre-game, i miss how they would bump helmets tenderly after every touchdown, i miss the weird little sus quotes like “take me home, 10″ because who says that. who.

and now with odell potentially interested in coming back to the giants after all these years i’m like....this is going to be like tearing open an old wound, huh. they were my whole heart for so long. they are my BABIES. they are the first fics i wrote that truly, truly meant something real to me. so i think i still love them. not the same way, of course, but like...is it ever the same after a tragedy like they had?

oh my god i’m so sorry i wrote you an essay you were just being nice and asking questions about yyverse THANK YOU FOR BEING INTERESTED AND READING I LOVE YOU

[calpalirwin]

Numbers

Summary: Sebastian doesn’t want to be another number to you, but little does he know he’s the only one.

A/N: Everyone say thank you to @jessalyn-jpeg​ for always being willing to cry over this man with me. 

Important distinction: Italics represent his thoughts, while bold italics represent hers

Word Count: 3.2k

And away, and away we go!

__

The sun was high and warm, and the sounds of wood cracking against leather grew louder as Y/N walked towards the baseball fields. “Yo, Number 1, lookin’ good!” she whistled, her fingers wrapping themselves in the chain link fence surrounding the field.

There was a loud laugh from the man playing shortstop, and he turned to either flip her off or stick out his tongue, but a baseball came flying in his direction, high and powerful. But not high enough. Almost lazily, Sebastian lifted his heels off the dirt, raising his left hand in the air, the ball coming to a stop in his glove.

“Right field, get ready!” Anthony, the pitcher shouted. “Stan’s lucky charm showed up!”

“I don’t need luck, Mackie,” Sebastian taunted, pulling at the sleeves of his jersey. “I’m Number 1 for a reason. Best shortstop in the state, right here, baby!”

“Mackie! Stan!” the coach barked in warning.

“Sorry!” both men laughed. And with his brief pause, Sebastian took off his hat, waving it at Y/N in greeting as she took a seat in the stands, before putting it back over his sweaty locks of brown hair.

As the practice continued, more girls made their way out to watch the team, and Y/N couldn’t blame them. Something about a guy’s ass in baseball pants, especially when that ass belonged to Sebastian Stan. And the college baseball team didn’t have any complaints about the attention they gathered, plays becoming more dramatic than they needed to be as a chance to show off, until the coaches finally called it quits.

“So,” Anthony asked Sebastian as they headed for the dugout. “Is today the day you ask out Y/N finally? Or should I try to shoot my shot? Like what's going on here, man? Cuz whatever it is between you, it’s gone on way too long, and I only got so much patience.”

Sebastian wasn’t sure how his face could grow warmer after being in the sun practicing for two hours, but it did. “I- We’re friends, ya know? And it’s not that I don’t wanna ask her out. It’s that I don’t know how. Or how she’ll react. It’s… a whole thing, ya get me?”

“Dude…” Anthony shook his head. “I say this because I care. But if you’re gonna make a move, make it fast. No one wants to be the one to cross you when we all know you got a thing for her. But if you’re not gonna shoot your shot…”

“Thanks…” Sebastian said, not sure if he appreciated the obvious advice or not. He knew he needed to ask Y/N sooner rather than later. But the idea that his teammates were lying in wait for him to either make a move, or step aside stirred up feelings of jealousy. But the only way of making sure they didn’t date her… He slung his bag over his shoulder, before squaring them and strutting out of the dugout, headed straight for Y/N. “Now or never, Stan,” he whispered to himself.

“Seb!” a girl called out and he turned to the sound, putting a smile on his face.

“Hey.” He offered a small wave, his eyes spotting Y/N, and kept walking, but then more girls were calling his name, batting their eyelashes, and touching his arm as they asked questions, and somehow Y/N got lost in the shuffle.

Y/N watched from her spot, the smile on her face dropping as she watched Sebastian get swarmed by girls who only wanted his attention so they could later brag to their friends that they’d gotten to talk to the star of the baseball team. And Sebastian wasn’t the type to be rude, even when he should.

Sighing, she shouldered her bag, heading down the bleachers, figuring she’d she go rescue him from his oh-so terrible prison of adoring girls.

“Hey, Y/N,” a shy voice called out as her feet hit concrete.

She lifted her gaze to find one of the newer players smiling at her. “Oh, hey, Tom,” she smiled back at him. “Good practice out there.”

“Heh, thanks,” he mumbled, his cleat digging into the ground. “So… you waiting for Seb?”

“I was yeah,” she admitted, looking over at Sebastian who was still under siege. And then a swell of anger bubbled inside her. If he couldn’t be bothered to pull himself away from them for her, then she didn’t have to wait for him. “But I’ll just catch him later. So, what’s up?”

Tom blinked in surprise. “Uh… I… Not much really. Was gonna head back to my dorm. Ya know, normal stuff I guess.”

“Well c’mon, I’m headed that way myself, I’ll walk with ya.”

Tom brightened as someone whistled from behind. “Damn! Kid’s got moves!” Anthony’s voice called out loudly. He jogged a few steps to join the couple, “Yo, Y/N, what about Seb?”

Y/N looked over her shoulder at Sebastian who still wasn’t even looking her way. “What about him?”

~~~

She mumbled airplane sounds under her breath, twisting her wrist to make the paper airplane fly around, before she really sent it flying across the living room. She watched as it glided through the air before nose-diving into the carpet as the front door opened.

“Apology food?” Sebastian asked with a hopeful smile, holding up a bag of takeout as he kicked the door shut.

“And what’s the apology for?” she asked, rising to her feet and crossing her arms.

“For being a dick after practice.”

“Chinese?”

“Your favorite,” he said, handing her the bag.

“Fine. Your transgressions against the crown are forgiven. This time.”

He tilted his head back as he laughed. “Thank you, your Highness. Although a little birdie told me that you ended up alright. Holland, huh?”

“Mackie is worse than girls with gossip, I swear…” Y/N said with an eye roll. “But yeah, Holland and I talked.”

“You know he’s a freshman, right?”

“Aw, is somebody jealous?” She flashed him a sardonic smile as they both plopped down on the couch and dug into the food.

Sebastian let out a scoff. “Me? Jealous of Holland? Pfft, yeah right.” Yes, insanely jealous, actually.

“Oh, so if I said he walked me all the way to the apartment, that wouldn’t make you mad?”

“You’re not my girlfriend, Y/N,” he said around a swallow of food. Despite how much I wish you were.  “If you wanna make baby Holland feel like a man for escorting you home, I really don’t give a shit. But you can do better than a freshman.” Like me.

Like you? “And you’d smell better with a shower,” was her retort as she knocked her shoulder into his.

“Mmm, you gonna join me?”

“Pfft! In your dreams, maybe.” And in mine.

Only in my dreams cuz once again, I fucked up.

~~~

Y/N figured one date would be enough to stir Sebastian into action. But one, the man had already made himself scarce by the time she left for her date. And two, the date sucked.

You’re not Sebastian was all she could think about throughout the dinner of cheesy one-liners, and bad jokes that bordered on offensive.

“So…” he asked suggestively as they walked out. “Wanna head back to my place?”

“No, I’m kinda tired,” she declined politely.

“Oh… well then I’ll call you sometime and we can do this again, maybe?”

“Yeah… no,” she said, shaking her head. “This was… nice. But no. You and I? Not gonna happen.”

“Right… I forgot you’re friends with Stan.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Oh, c’mon. Dude obviously likes you. And he’s not the one anyone wants to have on their bad side.”

“Then why did you ask me out? If all of you are so scared of Seb?”

“Cuz you’re hot, and I’m not on the baseball team,” he shrugged.

“Yeah… I’m gonna go home now. And you… ugh… yeah, no. Not gonna happen.”

~~~

Sebastian turned his head as the door opened. “Back before curfew, huh? Whatta gentleman.”

“Fuck you,” she told him with a roll of her eyes before stalking off towards her bedroom.

“Whoa, whoa, wait,” he said, bolting up off the couch. “C’mon, what happened?”

He wasn’t you. “He’s a pig. Said all the wrong things.”

“That sucks. But hey, can’t all be winners, right?”

“I guess… Although he did say one thing that was somewhat interesting.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Apparently you scare people off from asking me out.”

He snorted. “That’s fuckin’ stupid. Will I be pissed if some jackoff makes you feel like shit? Yeah, and I’ll probably say something. But shit… I’m not your boyfriend, or your dad, or some shit. Sounds like a lame cop-out because they just don’t wanna admit they’re pussies.”

And what’s your lame cop-out? “Ugh… I need a drink.”

“Grab me one, yeah?” he asked, sinking back down into the couch as she changed directions to head into the kitchen instead.

“So, how was your night?” she asked, grabbing two beers from the fridge.

“Uneventful,” he shrugged. “There was a girl I was hoping to go out with, but it didn’t work.”

“Aw damn. That sucks,” she said, as she joined him on the couch and handed him one of the beers. 

“Eh, it was my fault for not asking sooner,” he shrugged again, clinking his beer against hers. “To shitty nights.”

“Here, here,” Y/N cheered half-heartedly as they both took a long drink. “Fuck it. Paper airplane contest?”

He snorted into his beer. “We’re not seven anymore.”

“Aw, afraid you’ll lose?”

He sat up straighter. “Loser buys next case of beer?”

“You better get your wallet out, now.”

~~~

Sebastian knew he should have taken his chance after that first date gone bad. And Y/N knew she should have pushed him harder in her confrontation. But for whatever reason, the friends stayed at their stubborn stalemate.

Without Sebastian willing to make a move, Y/N began to wonder if maybe everyone had it all wrong. Maybe Sebastian was simply protective of her without having an ulterior motive behind it. So, she continued to go on dates with other guys on campus to ease the ache, until she couldn’t pretend they weren’t Sebastian anymore.

For his part, Sebastian not only took careful notes of the reasons Y/N gave for each of her short-lived romances, he also stupidly pointed her in the direction of new interests. And then he tried not to drown in his jealousy, before learning to grow doubtful of wanting a romantic relationship with her at all. Why would he want to sacrifice a lifelong friendship just to become another nameless guy she tossed to the side once she had her fun with him?

~~~

“Sebastian!” she gasped at him when he came home one night as she nursed away the end of yet another short-lived romance that wasn’t him.

“You’re drunk,” was the observation as he dropped his duffle bag to the floor.

“Ooooohhhh yeah,” she giggled at him with a wide grin, eyes hazy. “You gonna join me?”

“So we can both be sick? Yeah… Not a chance.”

“Boo…” she pouted. “You never wanna do anything with me.”

“One night. One night I don’t wanna drink with you, and that equates to me not wanting to do anything with you ever? Make it make sense, Y/N.”

“Well, you don’t wanna date me, that’s for sure,” was the drunk scoff.

He balked. “When did I ever say that?”

“Well it’s true, isn’t it? Everyone keeps saying that you like me, but you don’t do anything about it. Are they all lying? Or are you?”

He shook his head. “I’m not doing this. I’m not having this conversation with you.”

“Why not?!”

“Because you’re drunk off your ass!”

“Just answer the question!”

“I don’t know!”

“What type of bullshit answer is that?! How do you not know if you wanna date someone?!”

“It’s the answer you give when you used to think you wanted to, but now you’re not sure anymore! Now… I gave you my answer. And I already told you once I’m not having this conversation. Not when you’re drunk. I’m going to bed. G’night Y/N.”

“COWARD!” she hurled the insult at his retreating back.

In his room, Sebastian didn’t sleep. He lay in bed watching his ceiling fan spin in slow hypnotic circles, cursing himself for letting it get this bad. If he had just asked her out after that one practice… If he could just rewind the clock…

In the living room, Y/N sobbed into her hands. The distractions never worked, even the promising ones. And Sebastian… If it turned out he didn’t want her…

Thoughts spiraled and time ticked by, Y/N growing more sober, and Sebastian more angry with himself.

“Seb?” she asked in a small whisper, knocking lightly on his door as she pushed it open, finding him still awake in bed, the little lamp on his nightstand illuminating the room.

“What do you want, Y/N?” he asked, more harshly than he meant to, as he pushed himself to sit up against his headboard.

“I- Nevermind… It’s stupid…”

“No, wait,” he called out to her as she turned to leave. “I didn’t mean it like that. I- What’s up? What did you wanna ask?”

She took a slow breath to steady herself as she turned back around to face him. “Do you like me? God, that sounds so juvenile…”

“Of course I like you, Y/N. You’re my best friend.”

“But you don’t like me enough to date me. Just enough to be protective about me dating anyone else.”

He sighed. Now, or never. “It’s not that I don’t wanna date you, Y/N. It’s that I’m scared to.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“To you, maybe. But to me, it’s perfectly valid.”

“How? How is that a valid reason? Sebastian Stan, scared of dating a girl? A girl who he’s known his whole life? Make it make sense.”

“You think I wanna be one of the guys you date? Maybe if you actually dated people, I wouldn’t have ever thought twice about dating you myself. But you don’t date, Y/N. You… God, I dunno what it is you do, but it’s not dating.”

“Fuck you,” she spat, feeling tears well up. “Fuck you! You don’t get to slut-shame me!”

“Slut-shame you?! How is it slut-shaming that I don’t wanna be another number to you?! That I don’t wanna be another source of entertainment for you until you get bored of me?!”

“Because you’re not a number, Sebastian!”

“Bullshit I’m not! You literally call me Number 1! You don’t love Y/N! You… you entertain yourself until someone better comes along!”

“That’s not true…” she whispered, heartbroken that he thought it was.

“It was for all the other guys! I don’t wanna be like them, Y/N! I don’t wanna be some random number to you! I wanna be the one! I don’t know how much clearer I can make that.”

“You know I only dated them to make you jealous, right?”

“Well congrats… you win. I’m insanely jealous of every guy that you parade through that goddamn door.” His mouth twisted and his vision started to swim.

“I didn’t wanna win, Seb. I wanted you.”

He hissed through his teeth. “Past tense… that, uh… Yeah, that hurts. Thanks for that… For this…” he twirled his finger about the room. “Awesome conversation. Glad we could have this talk.”

“You wanna know why it never worked with those guys?!” she yelled at him, her hands flying up in the air. “They weren’t you! God, I tried so hard to make it work with those guys! Any of them! But none of them made me feel the way you do. None of them get me the way you do. And… God! I wish they did! I wish at least one of them did, because then I could finally stop wasting my time on you when it’s obvious you don’t feel the same way about me!”

“I don’t feel the same?!” He grabbed a small notebook, hurling it at her. “If I never felt the same, explain that!” He pulled down the collar of his shirt, pointing at a small tattoo of a paper airplane on his chest “If I never felt the same, explain this!”

“Y-you got a tattoo? When?”

The sudden drop of her voice level took him a moment to realize what she’d asked. “When you started dating the guy with tattoos…” he told her.

“And this?” she asked, bending down to pick up the small notebook he’d thrown at her, thumbing through it. “Blue eyes, tattoos. Text back on time. Don’t say stupid shit,” she read aloud. “A-are these notes on how to date me?”

He shrugged. “I like to think they’re observations.”

“W-why would you need notes on how to date me?”

“To make sure you don’t get bored of me. To make sure you don’t forget me.”

“Seb-”

He shook his head fiercely, feeling his throat close up. “Don’t. Just don’t, okay? I know this is all my fault. I know if I had just stopped being a little bitch, and said something sooner like I wanted to, none of this would be happening right now. But I- Fuck… It’s always been me and you, and I dunno what I’d do if that stopped happening. You’re my best friend. And I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember. And… I can’t risk losing you. I won’t lose you. Even if that means spending the rest of my life jealous of the guys you date.”

“And you never bothered to think that I had the same fears? That I’m just as in love with your stupid ass?”

“Why would you be? I’m just the idiot best friend.”

“Haven’t you been listening? I- God, did you really get a tattoo?” she asked. “What even is it?”

“It’s a paper airplane,” he mumbled, face turning red.

“Can I see it again?” she asked somewhat shyly.

He shrugged, taking off his shirt and tossing it to the side. “Happy now?”

“Oh, Seb,” she giggled, crossing the room to him. “You didn’t have to take your shirt off. You could have just tugged down your collar again.”

“Are you complaining?” he teased lightly, pulling her into his lap.

“God, no,” she said with another giggle. “Oh, Seb,” she sighed, her fingers tracing the ink on his skin. “God, we’re so fuckin’ stupid, aren’t we?”

“Oh, I’m definitely stupid,” he admitted. “Said and done so much stupid shit I shouldn’t have said or done.” His nose nudged against hers, his lips brushing against her cheek when he said, “God, I’m so sorry. I shoulda manned up sooner. And I shouldn’t have said those things about the guys you dated. I just- I fucked up. I let my insecurities get in the way, and I fucked up.”

“I fucked up too, Seb,” she whispered, carding her hands through his hair. “I was trying to fill a you-sized hole when I had you in front of me the whole time.”

“So you still want me? Even after I was the idiot coward that kept fucking up?” The blue eyes were big and watery with small traces of fear as they held her gaze steady, foreheads knocked together.

“Of course I still want you. You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted, Seb.”

__

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[ahopelessromantic]

I’m yours, you’re mine ➳ S. Reid

Pairing: Spencer x reader

Word count: 3,2k

Prompts: 10, “I’m pregnant; 16, “Marry me.”; 30, “You want a family with me?”

Warnings: slight angst, pregnancy, Spencer is a whole baby and a half

You’re ready to take the next step in your relationship. The question is: Is Spencer? 

(I loved writing this so much and could maybe even imagine writing a part two, tell me if that’s something you’d like!)

“Good morning, everyone.” Hotch’s greeting for the morning only came through to you as a faint echo. He was giving out the details of you team’s newest case as clear as always, but to you it sounded like his voice came from a distance. Instead of paying attention to him all you could to was to stare straight ahead, trying to force down the wave of nausea threatening to overcome you. Why was everything spinning? For a moment you thought you had gotten it under control.But then a waft of Emily’s morning coffee hit your nose and you felt your stomach turn. “(Y/N), can you work the victimology?” Of course, just in that moment you were addressed. “Sure- “ You started to answer before you felt your breakfast rise into your throat. “Coming up right after I’ve coughed up my lungs.”, was the only thing you managed to yelp out before you sprinted to the nearest toilet.

The cold bathroom tiles beneath your knees almost felt like a sweet relief while your stomach painfully clenched around itself. Once there was nothing left to throw up anymore you leaned against the wall of the bathroom stall, trying to calm down your breathing. Somehow, you felt even worse than you normally felt after throwing up. You heard someone enter the toilets and then a knock sounded against your door. “Honey, are you okay?” It was JJ, and not bothering to get up you just unlocked the door for her to get in. You nodded at her, wiping away the tears on your face. She looked at you worriedly. “Did you eat something wrong? I know Garcia’s sushi orders can be weird.” You chuckled but shook your head. “Nah, I’ve been feeling off for weeks. This was the first time I had to throw up though.” JJ kneeled down across from you, closing the door behind her. She held out a paper towel to you which you gratefully took, not missing the weird look she was giving you. “You know...” She started to speak, unsure of how to bring her words across without upsetting you. “When I was pregnant with Henry, I felt awful for weeks before I realised what was going on. I constantly felt dizzy, and the worst was looking at all the crime scene photos every day.” You felt your eyes widen with every word she spoke. Normally, you only felt this weird around the time of your period, but now thinking back you realised that you hadn’t bled in some time. A pregnancy definitely made more sense to you now than a very resilient stomach bug. “Hey, (Y/N), don’t pass out on me now!”JJ warned, shaking you out of your trance. >You had probably only gotten paler the more the realisation had sunken in. “Jayje, shit, I think you might be right.” She sent you a gentle smile and squeezed your shoulder. “Should I go get you a test?” You felt tears well up in your eyes at her kindness. “Thank you, but no. I think I’ll actually head home and do it there. I just need some time to… I don’t know, mentally prepare for whatever the result will be.”

Once your legs felt stable enough to walk again you went up to Hotch’s office to ask for the day off, which he thankfully allowed. You really needed to lie down and sleep for a few years. On your way out of the office Spencer stopped you in your tracks, the worried look on his pretty face even worse than everyone else’s. Pulling you close, he held the back of his hand to your forehead. “You’ve got a fever. Come on, I’ll drive you home.” You took his hand from your forehead, pressing a kiss against it. “I’m fine Spence. Go back to work.” But he just shook his head and went ahead to the elevator. “No discussion. I’m not letting you drive like this.” A soft smile on your face you followed him, forever grateful to have him. “Take a nap, and maybe eat something. Okay?” He told you after dropping you off at your shared apartment. You nodded. “I’ll try.” He sent you one last worried look, as if he was trying to assess whether or not he could actually leave you home alone in this state. Finally, he just nodded to himself. “Alright. Call me if you need something.” Spencer pressed a kiss to your forehead. “I love you.” He murmured and left through the door; gaze trained on you on his whole way out. You mouthed the words back to him, only able to fully relax once he was gone. You needed a plan, some tea and, well, a pregnancy test.

After a quick trip to the pharmacy down the street you sat down with a cup of your favourite tea, caught in a very intense staring battle with the pregnancy test’s cardboard box. You for yourself knew that one day, at some point in your life, you wanted to have kids.And considering the fact that you hoped to spend the rest of our life with Spencer by your side, him being the father of your children would probably only be practical. So far you had just never brought it up with him, somehow sure it was going to be a sensible topic for him.

But sitting there now, the test in front of you, made you wish you had brought it up at some point. What if he absolutely didn’t want kids of his own and you were actually pregnant? Would he break up with you? Oh god, he was going to break up with you. Now more than ever needing certainty you got up, grabbed the test and disappeared into the bathroom. The time you had to wait for the results only passed excruciatingly slow, and by the time your phone’s timer went off you had already chewed off half your nails. With a mixture of fear and excitement you looked at the little screen. A little happy emoticon smiled back at you, taking your breath away. You were pregnant. “Holy shit.” You gasped out, sinking down on the rim of your bathtub. “I’m going to be a mom.”

“(Y/N)?” Spencer called out through the apartment later that day, closing the front door behind him. “Bedroom!” You told him, feeling your hands starting to tremble once again. “Hey.” Your boyfriend smiled, peeking his head through the door. The sight of his smile somewhat calmed your nerves. “How are you doing?” He asked calmly after sitting down by your side on the bed.

You straightened up to lean against him, burying your face in his neck. “Better.” You mumbled against his warm skin, taking in his scent of cologne and books. “Still feel dizzy though.” He pushed your hair out of your face, looking down on you softly. “Do you want to eat something? I bought soup.” A large smile grew on your face. If he wanted the baby he was going to be an amazing father. But you needed some more time with your Spencer, before you took the risk of losing him over something serious like this. “I’d love some soup.” You smiled. “Can you go ahead and heat it up for me? I want to get changed before I eat.” Without a word of protest, he left for the kitchen, giving you a moment to collect your thoughts. Then you got up, got changed, and made sure the test was hidden somewhere he would never look.

During the next two weeks the nausea finally began to ease up on you, and a visit to the doctor’s office had only confirmed what the pregnancy test had told you: You were about nine weeks pregnant with a healthy baby, whose heartbeat you had even already been able to hear. Oddly, since hearing your little bean’s heartbeat, you felt a lot more certain and happy about the situation you were in. Of course, you still had to somehow tell Spencer, and you more than anything in the world hoped that he was going to be on board with it. But you were going to be a mom with or without him. You had talked to Hotch and asked him to put you on desk duty for the time being, not exactly telling him what was going on. He had just been too happy to have someone do the paperwork to question your motives. But Spencer, who knew how much you loved being out in the field, was starting to notice the changes in your behaviour. You had managed to act like everything was fine for a while, but even though your boyfriend was sometimes clueless he was still a genius.

“(Y/N), honey, can we… talk?” He hesitantly asked you at work in your tenth week of pregnancy. He had pulled you aside into a storage room for files, hoping to get a moment alone with you. You sent him a nervous smile. “Sure, uh, what’s up?” He sighed. “You know what’s up, (Y/N). The problem is that I don’t, and it’s starting to drive me insane. Are you going to break up with me?” You had been so caught up in your own head the past weeks that you hadn’t paid enough attention to your boyfriend, and it was only now that you realised how tired and frightened he looked. You were both idiots, so afraid of losing each other that you would even avoid resolving everything because it meant having to talk it out. A heavy sigh escaped your lips. “You might want to sit down.” You spoke softly, gesturing to the deserted old desk in the middle of the room. Spencer looked at you, shadows darkening his face, but still sat down. “What’s going on, (Y/N)? Are you…” His eyes widened. “Are you sick?” You slowly shook your head. “No, not exactly. Spence, I need you to know that I love you, okay? I love you more than anything in the world, and I just really didn’t know how to tell you.” He looked at you, wide hazel eyes trained on you, head moving in a barely visible nod. You took a deep breath, trying to calm your erratic heartbeat. “I’m pregnant.” You finally spoke, voice wavering. Spencer completely froze up. For a whole moment he didn’t move, scaring you that he might pass out. But then he cleared his throat, lowering his gaze to the floor. “I understand.” He mumbled. You frowned in confusion. “What?” “You don’t want to keep it. I understand that.” Shocked, you stepped closer to where he was sitting on the table. “What? No, honey! I want to have this baby.” His eyes bolted up to look at you. You could see the gears in his head turning, his big brain trying to make sense of the situation. “But... I’m an ex junkie. Schizophrenia runs in my family. My own dad abandoned me; I have no idea how to be a father. I’m the last person who should have a child.” You felt tears well up in your eyes at his words. Did he really feel that way about himself? You knew he doubted himself on the regular, you had made it your job to build him back up whenever the doubts kicked in, but this was a whole new level of self-depreciation. Didn’t he know that he was just as deserving of happiness as everyone else? “Spencer.” You uttered, cupping his face in your hands. “The risk of our baby becoming schizophrenic is less than ten percent. That’s a risk I’m willing to take.” He looked up to you from his seat, a desperate look in his hazel eyes. “But (Y/N)-“ He tried to plead but you interrupted him. “My love. You are the only person I could see myself doing this with. You’re compassionate, kind, intelligent, and no one knows me the way you do. I’ve seen you with kids, they love you. You understand them. If anyone should get to be a father, it’s you. And I want this, us. I want us to take this step.” He looked up at you in wonder, his eyes glistening suspiciously. “You want a family with me?” You laughed, finally allowing your tears to fall. “Yes.” You hushed, pressing your lips to his. “I want you, I want us, and I want this baby.” He stood up, engulfing you in the warmest hug. You could hear him sniffling but decided to give him this. He needed to cry without being seen for a moment. “I love you.” He finally choked out after pulling away to look at you, placing a hand on your stomach. You knew then that his words weren’t only for you anymore.

The two of you waited until the three-month mark to tell the rest of the team. You assembled all of them in the bullpen after a long day of work and told them as straightforward as possible, both nervously standing next to each other. All of them erupted into laughter and happy words of congratulation and you could swear you had even seen Garcia shed a tear or two. Another baby in the BAU. Amidst the chaos of everyone smothering you in hugs, you didn’t see Spencer pull Morgan aside, the two of them in a short, quiet conversation until Derek clapped your boyfriend on the shoulder with a bright grin. Even Hotch had hugged you, jokingly telling you that the paperwork was yours for the next few months. Your team’s reaction to the news only made you look forward to the changes to come even more, and you couldn’t be happier. Little baby Reid was going to be so loved.

“Are you up for a mini road trip?” Spencer asked you after leaving your office building, getting into the drivers’ seat of his car. Still feeling so overwhelmed with happiness you just nodded. In that moment you would have said yes to basically anything. You were so giddy that you didn’t even notice how quiet your boyfriend had gone, usually he would be just about talking your ear off right now. The radio filled the comfortable silence between the two of you in the car, and you made yourself comfortable. You could tell you were driving to downtown DC, a route you had known by heart ever since working in Quantico.

Less than an hour later Spencer stopped the car right outside the Smithsonian Museum, one of your favourite places to go together. “Shouldn’t they be closed by now?” Instead of answering, Spencer just winked at you and got out of the car to open the door for you. Hand in hand you climbed the stairs to the entrance, where a guard was waiting for you. “Doctor Reid.”, he nodded at your boyfriend, stepping aside to let you in. You looked at him in wonder. “Spence, what are you planning?” He smiled at you. “I called in some favours.” In just that moment the two of you entered the massive rotunda, the beauty of it stealing your breath away. You had been here what felt like a hundred times, but never like this. There was no one around but you two, and the low lighting gave the whole room a magical feeling. “Wow.” You whispered, trying to look at everything at once. Spencer just looked at you. “Just how many favours did you have to call in for this?” He smiled shyly. “Not as many as you might think, actually. I helped some people here with their dissertations.” “Of course you did.”, you giggled, stepping close to him. “What did I do to deserve this?” You asked, trying to remember if you had forgotten about an anniversary or something. “Can’t I just do something nice for the woman I love?” He asked, stealing a kiss from your lips. He always got way more confident when there weren’t any people around. You just deadpanned at him. “Honey, everything you do has a purpose. You once scolded me for baking a cake because ‘it was no one’s birthday.’” It looked like you had caught him there, taking in the way he started playing with his hands. “Do you want to…sit down?” He asked, pointing at one of the museum’s benches. You nodded, following him suit. “You know, I never thought I would have this one day.” Spencer spoke up after a few moments of silence. Even his quiet words echoed through the empty marble-clad hall and gave them a whole different weight. “Have what?” You asked him and encouraged him with a squeeze of his hand. “A girlfriend, a baby on the way. My own family.” You chuckled. “Me neither. I never thought I would ever meet someone like you. You felt Spencer move, and suddenly he was kneeling in front of you. You were sure your heart stopped beating for a moment. “I love you, (Y/N) (Y/L/N), more than I ever thought myself capable of.” He seemed awfully serious for a moment, but then he started searching for something in the pocket of his jacket and back was the Spencer you knew. “This was way smoother in my head.” He muttered before he finally found what he had been looking for with a quiet “ha!”. It was a black velvet box. With trembling fingers he opened it, revealing the most beautiful diamond ring you had ever seen to you. “Marry me?” He asked, a pleading look on his face. “No matter what happens, we will always be a family. And I want to make that official, for everyone to see. I want you to be mine in life and on paper, (Y/N). Marry me.” You bit your lip, unable to speak for a moment. Afraid your voice might fail you you just nodded heavily, tears already streaming down your face. You leaned down to capture his lips in a passionate kiss, hoping he would understand that as a yes. Still, just to be sure, you whispered “yes” again and again after pulling away from him, tracing his whole face with your fingers. You wanted to forever be able to remember the way he looked in that moment, the museum’s low lights reflected in his eyes, the happiness on his face. He leaned up from where he was kneeling in front of you to kiss you again, the both of you full on crying now. “I love you.” You both whispered at almost the same time. It took you a few minutes to calm down, your full attention on nothing but each other. “Morgan helped me choose the ring. I hope you like it.” He spoke up after a while. Oh, right. The ring. You looked at it glistening on your ring finger, fascinated by the diamond’s thousand facets. Just as many as you boyfriend, no, fiancé, had. “I love it, Spencer. But I love you more.” You ended up spending half the night in the museum, the beautiful building now forever having taken on a whole new meaning for the two of you. Spencer was yours and you were his, and soon you would have a little proof of your love running around. You couldn’t wait to go on this journey with him.

[josfloralshop]

Peter Parker x Reader: Letting Go

Being half-Goddess came in handy, especially when you were fighting Thanos.

Tony, Thor, Cap, and you were all alternating fighting Thanos. Sure, you were younger than the rest of them, but you were also much more powerful. You were easily the most powerful, of the whole lot, because of your godly powers. Wanda and you trained together a lot because of your matching powers, before she...faded.

Wanda was like your sister and best friend. But her disappearance wasn't the only one that affected you more than normal. It was also Peter Parker's. Peter, your best friend at Midtown, your school, but also your ally, Spider-Man. You were going to confess your feelings towards him before he faded, thinking you were going to die, but he had gone before you could say a word.

You were in agony, but you were lucky your dad, Tony Stark, was still alive, though he was hurting as much as you were. It was too hard to stay on Earth, so you visited your mom up in another world. Time worked differently there. A day there was a year on Earth. 5 days later, you had gotten the alert that the Avengers needed your help once again, as they found a way to save the world. You quickly came down, excited to rescue your friends, and only five days older than when they last saw you.

When you heard about Nat's death, you broke down. She was like your older sister, protective, fierce, sarcastic, and loving all in one. You almost couldn't go on, but the thought of bringing others back was the only thing that kept you going.

You quickly got your mind back to your battle. Thanos kicked Thor down, and battled Steve, who had wielded Mjolnir and his shield at the same time. They both fought each other quickly. Steve threw his shield and Thanos deflected it easily. Then, Steve threw Mjolnir at his shield, creating a shockwave which made Thanos trip a little bit. Steve quickly fought Thanos on the offense, shooting his shield and lightning at him.

It didn't last for long, though. Thanos eventually received the upper hand and took off his helmet, stabbed Steve in the leg, and knocked Mjolnir out of his hand and onto the ground. You yelled, but you were wounded and on the ground. There was a stab wound in your arm and it was quickly healing thanks to your Goddess mother, but you were still on the ground.

Steve tried to get up, but it was too hard. Come on, you willed yourself. Even though you could barely walk, you stood up and glared at Thanos, who looked at least a little bit scared, but easily hid it. You shot small bolts of ice at him. Then big ones. You shot fire after that, creating smoke around him. When he started coughing, you shot more and more fire at him, but he managed to knock you over. You rolled over and hit the ground. Stupid stab wound.

"In all my years of conquest– violence– slaughter– It was never personal. But I'll tell you now– what I'm about to do to your stubborn, annoying little planet– I'm gonna enjoy it. Very, very much." Thanos laughed like the insane thing he was.

He raised his arms, and all of his army appeared. The Children of Thanos. Chitauri, Sakaarans, Outriders, gorillas. Everything suddenly brought you motivation to get back up, along with Steve. You both winced in pain, but looked at each other determinedly, knowing you would die saving your country (in Steve's case) or your friends (in both of your cases).

Suddenly, your com starts to crackle. You frowned as you heard a familiar voice speak.

"Hey, Cap, Y/N, can you read me?"

You stopped and stared at Steve, confused.

"Guys, it's Sam, can you hear me?"

You heard something behind you and turned. It was a shiny, yellow portal. "On your left," Sam said, making Steve smile. The portal opened up and people come out. Okoye, Shuri, and T'Challa all walked out, making you gasp. More and more bright portals open up around the field. Sam flew in from the top, his falcon wings gracefully completing the beautiful sight. The people you loved came out of the portals: Dr. Strange, the Guardians, and your beloved best friend, Spider-Man. Your heart thought it was going to burst. It felt good, seeing him after 5 whole years.

More and more heroes came out. The Wakandan army, Valkyrie and the Asgardians, Wong and the Masters, Ravager ships, and more and more beings. Another portal opened, and your own dear friends came back. There was Bucky, Groot, the Wasp, and your own best friend Wanda. Your heart was so full of joy.

"Is that everyone?" Strange yelled.

"What, you wanted more?" Wong called back.

The last few remaining heroes came back. Your army was up and running. You just had to fight. You nodded at Steve, who looked curiously at you.

"Avengers!"

He summoned Mjolnir.

"Assemble."

Battle cries came. Warriors charged on both sides. It was chaos as everyone battled each other.

You fought through everyone, pushing Chitauri and weird gorillas everywhere as you tried to get to Peter.

You got close to him as you heard his distinct voice. "Hey! Holy cow! You will not believe what's been going on. Do you remember when we were in space? And I got all dusty? I must've passed out, Because I woke up, and you were gone. But Doctor Strange was there, right? He was like, 'It's been five years. Come on, they need us.' And then he started doing the yellow sparkly thing that he does all the time–"

Tony brought him into a hug. "Oh, this is nice."

You started crying. It felt so good to hear his voice again.

"Peter."

He turned immediately. "Y/N? Oh my God, it's really you." He couldn't say anything else, and neither could you. There was nothing to be said, after all. You immediately rushed to him and hugged him, squeezing him tightly. You sobbed onto his shoulder as he held you comfortingly. You pulled away, not wanting to but knowing you had to.

"I didn't age." You said.

He laughed. "Neither did I."

You suddenly saw Dr. Strange, beckoning to you. "Okay, I'll talk to you later? We need to fight." You kissed him on the cheek and rushed off, running toward Strange.

"What do you want?"

"Y/N. This is important, and you have to promise you won't tell anyone."

"What, are you gonna show me the future or something?" You forced a chuckle.

"That's correct."

Your smile disappeared. "Who dies?"

Strange sighed. "I think you know."

You felt a sudden pain in your chest as it finally hit you. This was why Strange wanted to talk to you. Because you were the only one who could take the fall.

You came back when Wanda and Thanos were fighting each other. "You took everything from me," she said angrily as she fought him.

"I don't even know who you are," Thanos said annoyed.

"You will."

She picked up some debris and crushed him with it, or at least attempted to.

Ebony caught the gauntlet and tried to stop T'Challa from getting it by using his telekinesis.

"Here!" You yelled, grabbing it using your goddess powers. Chitauri surrounded you and you created an ice trail to make them slip as you skated away. They were gaining on you when-

"I got it!" Peter yelled. You threw it to him and he swung around as Chitauri started crowding him instead.

Suddenly, fire began to rain down upon all the troops. In return, you shot out ice to make it disappear. Somehow some of the fire broke a dam, and water spilled out. While you tried putting out the fires, Strange used his magic to remove the water from the battlefield.

"I got this! I got this! Okay, I don't got this, help, somebody help!" Peter yelled, still trying to hold onto the gauntlet.

"Hey Queens, heads up," Steve called. Peter got saved by Pepper. As you continued fighting, the other women help Carol, who now had the gauntlet, to get through everyone. You were stuck destroying everyone who followed them in their tracks. They all fought, and alternate between taking the gauntlet.

At one point, Thanos was about to snap, but he ended up not doing it as Carol pulled his fingers apart. But, at the last second, he pulled out the power stone, which made Carol fall back.

You looked back at Strange, who pointed his finger at you, signifying a one. The one reality in which they won, that was at risk. You know what to do. The voice resounded in your head, and you nodded. Thanos put the power stone in and you could easily tell the gamma radiation was almost too much for him. You made one more attack on him and with some struggle he knocked you away.

"I. Am. Inevitable."

Snap.

Nothing happened.

The Infinity Stones were missing.

"Hey, where did my gauntlet go?"

It was your dad. You held up your hand, the gauntlet on it with all the Stones.

"And I am (Y/N L/N)."

You snapped your fingers.

There was a blinding flash of white light. All the Chitauri and the rest of Thanos' army disappeared. Thanos sat down in despair as he started to fade away too.

It was over.

Your entire right side felt numb. You stumbled for a few seconds before finding your balance by leaning against a tree. Everyone crowded around you.

Wanda came next to you, bowing her head, knowing that all of the damage was done and there was nothing she could do about it.

Suddenly, your dad came forward.

"Dad..."

"Hey, (N/N)." He said gently. He grabbed onto your hand, and you held it, grateful for the support.

"Hey, we're going to be okay, yeah? Me and Pep and Morgan, you don't need to worry about us. We love you, so so much honey." Tony gave you a sad smile, and you managed a small one back.

Suddenly, you heard the voice that you were waiting to hear. Spider-Man swung by, and Peter took off his mask quickly and knelt down next to you.

"Y-Y/N?" You could tell tears were starting to form next to his eyes. "Hey, can you hear me N/N? It's Peter. We won, N/N, we won. You did it, you did it Y/N. You're amazing."

"P-Peter-"

"No, don't say anything Y/N. Save your breath." He actively started crying at this point, and you gave him a sad smile.

"I don't have a lot of time, Pete—"

"No! Don't say that, you can't die on me Y/N, I need you," he sobbed.

"You're going to be fine, Pete, but I have to t-tell you something. I love you, so much. I've wanted to tell you for so long."

"I love you too," Peter breathed. You both knew it was now or never, and you brought your lips to his. You wished you could say your kiss was slow and sweet, but it was passionate, deep, and rushed, yet gentle at the same time. Because this was the only kiss you would ever have with your superhero.

"Y/N, I'm not ready for you to go."

"You're going to be okay, Pete. Find someone else, fall in love with her, and be happy, yeah? You're going to be just fine without me. I know it's hard letting go, Pete, but you can do it. I believe in you."

"I'm going to miss you so much."

"I'm going to miss you too, Parker." You were fighting to stay a little longer, just a little bit longer.

"You can rest now."

Your heart stopped.

You didn't know this, but that was when Peter broke down. He put his head on your shoulder and let it all out. Pepper and Wanda and Tony were crying. Everyone else was somber and sad and crying and it was too painful.

Slowly, every single warrior kneeled. Because you had sacrificed your life willingly for the people you had loved and cared about, and for the world. Because, that's just the kind of person that Y/N L/N was.

[halo-jpeg]

Ok so you baby post ..... magnificent gorgeous tasteful fantastic I lobed it so so so so much !!❤️ is it possible that you could do a similar thing but the slashers take in a young teenager (idk like 13 or something) I’m interested to see if whether or not there thoughts on taking in the child would be different or not xx

I got another ask for something similar, but asking if the reader heard voices and saw ghosts as well. I hope you don’t mind that I mixed the two!

Slashers (who live together) adopting a Teenage Daughter who sees Ghosts and hears Voices

Michael is still as fond of you as ever. You’re like a niece to him! As you grow, he’s there by your side to teach you everything you need to defend yourself. He loves your sass, and is happy to know he helped to teach you not to take shit from anyone. When he starts to catch on to your odd glances and the way you seemingly talk to yourself, he’s curious- he doesn’t hesitate to ask, and it’s so cool that you hear voices because he does too! You can talk to the ghosts and voices around him without judgement.

Jason loves how you turned out! You grew up to be kind yet feisty, and you have such a wonderful personality! He’s still always afraid for your week being since he’s heard high school can be scary and new. His reaction to the voices and ghosts you see and hear is perfectly normal. Voices? Cool, can you see Pam by any chance?? He’s unphased by the oddity, and thinks it makes you fit in even better than ever.

Danny, one of your main father figures, loves how you are almost identical to him. Your fierceness and silliness is so cool! Not once did he ever regret taking you in, and he’d die for you if you had to. When he finds out you hear and see things, he’s curious rather than concerned. He’ll ask for details, and he’ll end up thinking you’re even cooler than before. Also, he will want you to say ‘i see dead people’ every once and a while.

Billy & Stu have been through high school, and they’re excited for you to go through it too. Both Billy and Stu will give you advice, the most common being ‘High school is more fun if you’re a murderer. Give it a shot!’ They think that your hearing voices makes you just like them, so why wouldn’t you be a killer?

Brahms will always love you like you’re really his daughter. He’s taught you how to cook almost anything, and you always help with dinner. He will always be a little bit sad to see you growing up, playing Hide and Seek with him less and less, but he’s proud of you for growing up nonetheless. He is completely unphased by your hearing voices and seeing ghosts, and actually thinks its super cool!

Norman watched you grow through teary eyes, and he will always miss when you were younger, but now that you’ve grown into a wonderful young woman he couldn’t be more proud! He still spoils you rotten, buying you anything and everything you ask for. When you confess that you hear voices and see ghosts, he’s mildly concerned, but he comes to terms with it over time and now he’s proud that you have an oddity like your Slasher family does!

Vincent’s favourite thing ever is watching you grow in your art skill. Your rapid progression is heartwarming, and he’s never been more proud of anyone- even his own brothers- to see how skilled you’ve become. He’s still protective of you, and he always will be, so hearing that you see ghosts or hear odd voices makes him worry. He checks up on you daily, asking if the voices are doing anything bad to your mental health. 

Bo is still the most protective of you. He always asks you about your day at school, making sure you know you can talk to him if kids at school are ever bothering you. He promises that he can take care of them if anyone is bullying you. He also doesn’t like the voices and ghosts, afraid that they’ll scare you or hurt you. 

Lester still has so much to teach you about animals and taxidermy! You and him have a rather large collection of cool bones, feathers, etc. that you’ve collected in your day to day lives. He thinks the ghosts you see would be cool, and he wants to meet them!

To Thomas, chainsaw-wielding lessons are still a must, but you’re closer than ever to becoming a master. He’s still unsure of how to talk to you, but he really does try his best. Luda Mae and Hoyt have met you once or twice and are proud of the child Thomas helped to raise. Thomas will never be completely okay with you seeing ghosts or hearing voices, and he feels more okay with the idea of it if you keep him updated on what they say or do. 

Bubba is still the Mother Extraordinaire! He still makes you clothes, and teaches you to use makeup when you want to learn. He’ll also teach you to do your hair! When prom time comes he will SCREAM if you ask him to help dress you up! He’s secretly afraid of the voices and ghosts, but he tries to act normal about it so he doesn’t scare you!

Billy Lenz and you are best friends now. In the winter, you watch Christmas movies with hot chocolate, building snowmen and doing every other Christmas activity you could think of. You don’t remind him of Agnes anymore, now that you’re older, so he’s much more comfortable around you. He hears voices, too, so he knows he can confide in you when his voices are being mean.

Leslie is still like a mentor to you. Now, he lets you watch and teaches you all about his work in the Slasher field, hoping that you follow in his footsteps. The voices and ghosts you see give you perfect motivation and a wicked backstory to be a slasher, too! Raised by the most famous, you slowly went insane, and the voices made you kill- it’s perfect!

Pyramid Head will always, always be afraid for your wellbeing. Whenever you do so much as scrape a knee he’s running for you with the first aid kit in hand, treating you like glass. He doesn’t want you to get hurt! When he finds out you hear things and see things, he’s amazed and intrigued, wanting you to tell him everything you know. 

Amanda is the only girl in the house, and therefore the only one you can talk to about feminine hygiene. She also helps you learn makeup, and will totally talk to you about boys or girls you like. Voices and Ghosts don’t bother her, and she thinks it makes you even more unique. Awesome!

Freddy is still your alcohol dealer and fellow mischief maker- you pull some wicked pranks together, and get yelled at by the others quite a lot. He makes sure you know you can confide in him about the voices and ghosts, and tells you that he won’t let anything bad happen to you!

Herbert actually adores you now. When you were younger, before he got to know you, he was annoyed by your distracting presence. Now, he teaches you everything he knows so you’re like his little apprentice. He has tried to contact the ghosts you see, and has gotten through once or twice- they’re friendly, for the most part, and the two of you speak to their invisible presences as if they’re actually there. 

[theres-no-protocol-for-this]

Apologies & Logistics

This is the end of the “Humans Adopt a Combat SecUnit” story, or at least this part of it.

Jae

I had expected the governor to fry my organic neural tissue for disobeying a direct order, but it had merely immobilized and disabled me. I couldn’t move or see, but my hearing continued to function normally. It was a non-optimal outcome but still significantly better than my initial predictions.

In my ear, Serenity provided a running commentary of ongoing events. I felt like an oddly captive audience to a ship that suddenly eager for conversation, no matter how one-sided. And it had a variety of opinions on topics ranging from the Corporation Rim to cargo haulers, handlers, and the intricacies of wormhole travel. I wasn’t bored.

Meanwhile, external voices came and went.

I heard Cass leave the control room moments later with a squeaky gurney that could have used some grease in her wake. Kris’s booming voice echoed on the bridge while he negotiated docking procedures with one of the incoming rescue vessels. He notified them about the rescued corporate higher-up but failed to mention my existence. I suspected either they would dispose of me or steal me. My risk assessment module deemed the former option unlikely, given my handler’s determination in reversing the governor’s freeze command.

Presumably, I was still on the inventory lists of the security and tactical support company that owned me, and the humans would need to make me disappear in order to leave the sector.

“I’m not sure you can hear me.” Kris’s voice was suddenly close enough that I thought he might be sitting on the floor next to me. “And I’m not sure which option is better, honestly. I hope you’re not just trapped in there until Cass figures out how to fix this. But if you can hear me, I want you to know that I’m grateful. You protected my best friend when I couldn’t, and that means a lot to me.”

The human’s voice trailed off for a moment before picking up again. “Anyway, we’re going to finish this cargo run, but before we do, we’ll meet with a friend of mine who, uh, locates documents that don’t strictly exist and formally assign your ownership to Cass. Just in case.”

More silence. Human processing time is slow, but this was different. “Deity, it hurts to even say that. I really hope you’re not hearing this.”

Meanwhile, Serenity explained, “What Kris is referring to is a forger or a fixer. Probably one of Kris’ friends from his university days.”

The human kept talking. “I’m sorry about calling you a bot. You’re obviously not, and right now, I’m fucking hating the rules that say otherwise.”

I didn’t understand the human’s concerns; to me, the facts remained immutable. I was property, and if I belonged to this crew in a legal sense, they wouldn’t be stopped by Port Authority wherever they went next. If I could speak, I would’ve recommended that exact course of action.

A moment later, Cass returned from the medical room. I could hear her light footsteps as she moved around the bridge, and Serenity gave me an excellent overview of what the human was doing. My handler’s voice was gentle when she said, “All right, let’s take care of Jae. How’re you holding up, SecUnit?” I could hear someone unspooling a cable. “Ready, Sere?”

“Of course,” the ship answered in its mechanical tone.

I recorded a brief but frantic burst of activity between myself, my handler, and the ship that was mediating between us. Cass wanted to disable my governor permanently, but there was no practical way to do so without access to a Combat SecUnit manual, which we didn’t have. She implemented perhaps the next best thing — the module would no longer react or take action without my handler’s explicit permission.

Then Cass overrode my governor’s freeze command, and I could move again.

I opened my eyes to find Cass staring at me with a worried expression on her tired face. Serenity reconnected me to the feed, so I reached up and removed the feed interface from my ear. Now the ship could bother me anytime it wanted.

“How are you feeling?” my human asked nervously.

Better than initially anticipated. I’d added the sentence to my buffer once I’d understood what Cass was asking. It was becoming easier to modify the buffer with each attempt.

“You weren’t expecting to survive that, were you?” The human sounded suspicious.

I shrugged.

“Don’t ever do anything that stupid again! That’s not an order, Jae. This is me telling you that we like you alive and safe, and I want you to consider your own well-being when deciding how to best handle a situation.”

Understood, Cass.

I sat up, and the woman hugged me with probably all the force she could muster. I… I didn’t mind it. At all

***

Kris

The rescue ship that finally docked with Serenity was a small patrol vessel that belonged to the station's towing company. I was pretty confident that the warship would not need a tow at this point — there wasn't enough of it left out there to warrant cleanup operations. Since I had performed the rescue spacewalk and had gotten injured, a company representative took my statement first. Te pulled out a display surface and took down notes, presumably so ter corporation could figure out who to bill for the unnecessary services.

While Cass and I dealt with the tercera and the legal bullshit in this sector, Serenity edited the video and audio of my spacewalk to make it look like Jae had been destroyed by one of the weapon-wielding bots. In my report, I noted that we had a Combat SecUnit on board at one time, but it had suffered catastrophic damage during the rescue operations. When prompted, I mentioned that we'd put what remained into the recycler.

It was a bald-faced lie, but the bored and cranky representative seemed entirely disinterested. Te didn't even review the video before signing off on the documents, didn't ask for any logs, and performed only a cursory examination of the unconscious corporate employee still in our medical suite. For a small fee, te even offered to take the woman back to the station so we could be on our way quicker. Frankly, I wanted nothing more than to be rid of the human.

Cass had other ideas.

She and I huddled in the mess while the representative returned to ter ship to finish scanning the debris field. Te grumbled that billing back damages on an infiltration attempt would be a nightmarish hell of solicitors from the owner company and wasn't motivated to make anything easy for them.

"What if she tells someone?" Cass demanded after the tercera had departed.

I sipped my coffee and shrugged. "It's going to be a he-said-she-said between the corporate and the station."

"No, I mean later, when Tatiana returns to work minus a construct."

"They'll probably deduct its cost from her salary and demote her. The company cares about profit margins. And she won't be able to prove anything anyway since I destroyed her interface."

The captain looked unconvinced. She paced the room, running a hand through her shoulder-length hair in a nervous gesture. "I don't know…"

"Cass, we are literally stealing one of the most dangerous weapons in the Rim. I think we have bigger problems than one pissed corporate." I tried not to sound patronizing, but it was a struggle. "We absolutely can't take her with us."

"What if we could change her mind? About Jae."

I tried not to spit out my coffee and almost succeeded. The smell of coffee in my nostrils was unbearable. "I don't think so, love. If she doesn't think it's a person now, after working with it for the entirety of its life, what are the odds that we can say anything to change her mind?"

Cass sighed and stopped pacing. "Yeah, you're right. I just…"

"I know. You want to do the right thing. But at this point, absconding with our new friend is probably the best we can manage."

"Yeah." She still sounded reluctant. "Maybe I can reach out to Mom's friend and see if she can help somehow."

I glanced at her dubiously. "You sure you want to talk to Dr. Mensah? Didn't you say she was a councilperson or something?"

I knew pitifully little about Cass's home planet because she never spoke of it. It was a freehold planet unaffiliated with any corporate entities where people were apparently nice to each other. At one time, she'd mentioned growing up on a farm alongside a large extended family, but the story always ended with her leaving home as soon as she was old enough to make her own way in the world. That her mother knew one of the Preservation Alliance leaders reminded me that Cass had connections, even if she chose to do everything on her own, all the time.

"She was until she retired a couple of years ago, I think. I haven't been back in a while, and I barely talk to move. I definitely don't keep track of her friends." She scratched at a scab on her arm. "I remember a news burst that Mensah rescued a SecUnit, but that was..." She frowned. "Well, long enough ago that I completely forgot about it until just now."

I cleaned up the mess I'd made on the table with the coffee. "We're sending the crazy corporate goon back with the tercera. And if you want to call your parent, that's up to you. I'm sure she'd love to hear from you."

"Says the guy that doesn't speak to his parents."

I stiffened and then remembered that Cass had no idea why I avoided my family. "My parents still believe I'm female. I'm not willing to add jack shit to that conversation."

The captain looked at me with the same warmth that had initially convinced me to join her crew. "Oh, man, I'm so sorry, Kris. I didn't realize your parents were idiots."

That made me grin. "Idiocy is a nice way of putting it, love. I used some stronger words last time I saw them." I got up and wrapped an arm around Cass's thin shoulders. "Come, let's go see about finishing this transaction and getting the hell out of here. I bet Jae is bored sitting in its cabin."

"It's recharging," Cass told me, another reminder that she knew what the SecUnit was doing at all times. "But yeah, let's go. Enough insanity for one day."

The End!

I don’t know where the characters go from here. I have some ideas but maybe that’s a story for a different time.

I wanted to tell a story about stealing a CSU and there it is. And CSU in this case is a complete sweetheart, so. :)

[jhaernyl]

So my ninja taxes are predicated on a handful of concepts, one of which is a big straying away from canon bc I cannot rationalize why Konoha works the way it was if we don't change Hashirama and Madara's motivation for founding the village.

If they really had started their village So That Children Would Not Have To Fight And Die then there is no fucking way that Konoha would have ended up the way it did, not even from the beginning. 

Children would not have been allowed in the field, full stop.

My reasoning, instead, went that Hashirama and Madara looked at how hard life was for their older relatives, the ones that got injured too much to fight again but didn't die, the ones that went blind or deaf and had to be cared about from the rest of the Clan and possibly thought themselves a burden on the other members of their nomadic society, respected "Elders" who weren't necessarily old but who couldn't fight anymore and who dealt with a slew of PTSD complications that might have barred them from even interacting with children and teaching them, further making them feel inadequate or who possibly left the Clan to go into civilian careers where they could settle down in one place, get more or less regular medical care as needed and thus sort of 'left' the Clan behind.

(As a side rant I would like to add that the reason why Madara and Hashirama wouldn't focus on the 'children shouldn't be soldiers' is because that while child soldiers definitely do happen in the real world, in the contest of the Naruto framework it didn't make sense for the time Madara and Hashirama were in to send children as young as the manga told us they were to fight against full-grown adults the way the manga depicted them doing.

I can buy the occasional genius being put into battle way too young (cough Tobirama cough) as long as it came with other factions being anything in the range from impressed-but-somewhat-disapproving to downright appalled at the age the kid was thrown into the field but not it being a systematic thing, because the infant mortality rate would be too high and unsustainable so I think it would make more sense, especially given their ages when they meet, if Madara and Hashirama older brothers died rather than their younger ones.

Hashirama and Madara are supposed to be SEVEN YEARS OLD when they meet and yet somehow both of them are the eldest of their siblings, with Tobirama being the second eldest to Hashirama and Izuna being somewhere around Tobirama's age supposedly, and both have already lost three younger brothers to battle against the opposite faction? Huh huh, sure Kishi, whatever you tell yourself to feel edgy.

No, it makes more sense to me that they were middle children who both became Heir because their older siblings either died or were crippled too bad to continue fighting and that was followed by frustration/rage/depression/sense of being rejected / feeling of uselessness in relation to their war-like Clan whose tradition and Leader Are In The Field kind of leadership demanded an able-bodied shinobi to lead them and that shaped them and informed their ideas for and dreams of an ideal village where that wouldn't be the case and where their younger feelings shouldn't have to feel that was going to be the end they were going to one day meet unless they died in battle.)

So Hashirama and Madara looked at that and they went "That's not what I want for my brother/cousins/uncles/aunts/relatives / etc." and so their dream was to create a place where a shinobi would be supported (the way many self-made shinobi at the time weren't, unless they joined the Clan and, as said above, even joining a Clan didn't necessarily protect them in the long run, depending on their specific situation) beyond his or her or their utility in the field, where they wouldn't have to leave the Clan and their support network to settle somewhere safer, (Tobirama, in the background: where their health and minds could be looked after so that they would not snap and go insane and have to be mercy killed.)

Which allows for the focus of the village to be on a very Japanese-appropriate taking care of your Elders who have already contributed to your society and can still have more to contribute in the way of teaching young ones without having to die in the battlefield or feel themselves become 'burdens' (which they aren't but they might still feel like) and reducing the weight of care on the families by having a support system to person and families be something organically built into the Village’s structure, in more ways than taxing but also through the taxes levied.

It also allows for a spiralling effect being present towards having more people and time to devote to training the young and thus, especially once the Ninja Wars happen and create that sort of constraint on society, leading to younger graduation classes because that can happen as a slippery slope kind of situation where no one means to send young kids into battle before they are ready but if you are sending the older teens and adults into battle, then the younger kids can take over in-village missions that would otherwise be given to adults, right? And if they are doing in-village missions, why not missions right around the village, not too far from it, with their jonin sensei coming along to ensure their safety? They are not being put at risk, they are just being helpful to the system while still being safe.

And that slides into 'well they can do missive runs to safe places on safe routes, we are not putting them in danger, they are just covering for the kind of thing that the adults are too busy with the war front to do' and then slowly and slowly inch down until it becomes 'bring cargo to the back of the lines, far away from the front line, so that we are sure it gets there safely and then they can help the adults escort the wounded back, reduce the number of people we have to discharge from duties where they are needed and there are still enough adults around that it’s safe enough.'

As I said, a slippery slope. 

Starts small and over time it gets normalized and slides down inch by inch.

Back to topic, the focus is on looking after those who get injured and/or need to retire means that two of the main taxes being levied are the Injury Insurance Tax (IIT) and the Invalidity, Old Age & Survivors Tax (IOS) which works like the national funds do in Italy.

It's something that you invest in, just in case you will need it later. Almost all ninja end up needing the IIT funds, at some point during their career, while recovering from injuries and being unable to run missions (thus reducing the stress on ninja on the monetary side and sometimes making life easier for the medics, because patients who know that they will get paid while they work to get back to 100% are patients who might be less likely to book it out of a window at the first instance) and all ninja who are not on a suicidal bend and actually looks forward to managing to make it out and retire can look at the IOS as a support system that will one day help take care of them, should they be too damaged / too old / not able to be around children to make out a living by having a profession/teaching children, etc.

The IOS being something that they have put money in during their service to the village, this also avoids the mental trap of being seen as a charity because it's not you accepting charity from someone else. It's you reaping the reward of that money you sacrificed for so long and set aside exactly for this specific occurrence.

It's not a handout but rather one of your rights that you are expecting/requesting/demanding to be granted to you as promised, so it skips quite a few mental traps that might otherwise prevent them from accepting the help they are being offered.

There are fixed percentages for how much you get taxed depending on rank because the higher you get, the more money you make and the more danger you are exposed to so you both can afford to be taxed higher and you are undergoing higher risks, so you are more motivated to invest into taxes that will give a return when something happens.

Clan ninjas are especially invested in the system and joined under the clear assurance that the village would look out for them if they look out for the village and have a higher investment in wanting their retirees to be supported and looked after properly since that was one of the reasons Konoha got founded to begin with and they were attracted to the security it was supposed to offer.

They get taxed an extra on the IIT and an extra on the IOS in all categories because living in a Clan gives you all sort of advantages that people outside of a Clan don't have and thus you are expected to have the funds to be able to afford that extra and being part of a Clan you have plenty of people around you that are benefiting from the system which goes to show you that it's worth investing in it.

Everyone pays a not indifferent amount of their paycheck to the village in general, upfront, and that amount of money is part and parcel of being part of the Village.

The Village provides for you in many ways, including allowing you to be part of the village and take their missions at all along with things like the free healthcare, but for the village to be able to afford to provide for you, the Village needs the funds and so your missions get taxed and what you get taxed on is fed back into the natural circle of the village's economy.

That is especially important during wartime when funds are going to be depleted way faster than they would normally be and a lot of missions you would see during peacetime fall to the wayside / cannot be taken on by you so you wouldn't see an income from them so you have to be offered a different kind of Wartime Paycheck if you are deploying in the field on the frontline in one long stretch rather than on a mission-back-to-Village-have-time-off-to-train-and-relax-and-get-some-TLC-get-another-mission-back-to-Village-again-etc. basis.

So every ninja pays a specific tax amount to the Village and then Clan ninja give another cut to their Clan because of societal obligations to your Clan and because the Clan provides for you and all Clans pay a general tithe to the village in the form of being taxed based on the number of members they have, the space they occupy and what percentage of whatever it is they produce (poisons and antidotes for the Yamanaka, medicines for the Nara, preserved food for the Akimichi, insect-related products for the Aburame, etc.) gets handed over to the Village to be used for everyone (the rest they keep to store or sell as they prefer).

Being part of the Clan is a privilege and a duty and part of it is contributing to the Clan, which is both a remnant of before the Villages were formed and how the Clan maintains their specific level of independence from the Village. Some Clans will ask more of you, some Clans will ask less and leave more in your pocket, it depends from Clan to Clan.

It's not all detractions, tho, though there are a few more that go to hit non-Clan, non-Clan-affiliated ninja. The Village provides you with basic kits and as they get depleted you can just go to the quartermaster and get refills issued without paying. If you go out to shop, you get discounts (calculated monthly based on medium earnings, the family of origin, living situation, taxes paid, quality material, economical support you have or don't have, etc.) on goods that you might need to use as a ninja and, if you are from a Clan, you get discounts within your own Clan or allied clans.

Orphans, especially ones without Patrons to look after them who are still underage or who are of age but do not yet have a trade to fall back on / are unable to be at least chunin ranked, are given a base monthly stipend and then they receive extra money on top of that basic stipend depending on their needs. Food needs, training material needs, age, family situation, your rank, how long have you been your rank, clothing needs as identified by the wear and tear of your gear as witnessed by your rank's quartermaster, if you need feminine hygiene products, etc.

On top of a basic food allowance, there are also extra food categories are organized based on whether you are pre-pubescent, pubescent or adult (the amount of food a growing kid vs a growing teenager vs an adult needs varies), what kind of diet do you need for your, for civilians, apprenticeship or, for ninja, training and development.

Are you focusing on your physical skills rather than your chakra skills? Non-chakra intensive diet. Are you working with a lot of Jutsu / genjutsu / training to expand your pool of chakra? Chakra-intensive diet. Are you doing both? Okay, file for both. Your sensei needs to confirm and vouch for your request.

Depending on what you are doing, who your sensei is and what he has you doing and what brand of skills you are focusing on (which influences which kind of foods you will need), the 'very chakra-intensive' / 'very non-chakra intensive' and the 'extreme chakra-intensive' / 'extreme non-chakra-intensive' diets are something you might need to apply for.

Someone like orphaned teenager Maito Gai would definitely hit the 'extreme non-chakra intensive training diet' category because he is doing extreme taijutsu training but given that he also needs to develop and train the amount of chakra necessary for summoning, he'd also be able to apply for 'very chakra-intensive training diet' whereas someone like Kurenai, who is a genjutsu mistress and relies less on her physical abilities, would go for the 'extreme chakra-intensive training diet' box possibly with a side of 'chakra-intensive training diet' if she's keeping up with something more than the barest levels of physical conditioning.

Plus depending on what kind of things you are doing, you might qualify for more than one category of the same type. Let's say you are Minato and you are working on fuck off giant Jutsu (extreme chakra-intensive) but you are also working on finicky, control-based sealing work that requires a different use of your chakra but is also exhausting in its own way (chakra-intensive) but you also need to work your ass off on your speed and reflexes (extreme non-chakra intensive) to keep up with your in-development Jutsu technique without getting disoriented / splatter yourself against trees along with the general physical training you do (non-chakra intensive).

Depending on what your schedule is and what you are doing, you will eat different quantities of food and you will need different types of food as well so if you can convince your sensei to sign off on it, you just apply for whatever you think you need the most or you go big or bust and try to apply for all categories if you think you can get away with it.

And then there's the housing tax if you live in Village housing for ninjas (with the expected wear and tear for being somewhere ninja lives and thus often needing repairs that are given to you free of charge because you are already being taxed for occupying a ninja-specific living space with all that comes with it).

There’s also whatever you (if you are an orphan) owe to the orphanage and/or academy (calculated based upon the resources spent to house and feed and clothe and wash and train you accordingly to your potential). 

A lot of the housing thing and owed-to-orphanage/owed-to-Academy debts are predicated upon whether or not you have or not a Patron or a Clan sponsoring you or relatives who might not have been able to take you in (due to age of the relative or other issues) but could help pay for your upkeep and studies and if you do have someone which kind of person they are, what kind of agreement is in place and what kind of economical support they have been able to give you.

Aaand I'm going to stop there for right now because I've been typing about taxes for an hour and a half and I need a break XD

[irarelypostanything]

Software engineers make a lot of money, but…

The average annual salary for an American software engineer is $86,000; the average annual salary for an American is $48,000.  The above figure may be seriously skewed by Techlead, who makes a million dollars every time he comments on YouTube, and Silicon Valley, where it costs $3000 a week to live in a broom closet...but those are the statistics.  So, compared to the average, software engineers make a lot of money.

Is that a lot, when you account for the amount of money it costs to become a software engineer?  This is where things get interesting.  Coding bootcamps are springing up, and some are good and some are borderline scams.  Colleges themselves tend to be incredibly expensive, so the argument becomes more of a “computer science pays better than most majors” than a “computer science is worth it,” in my opinion...though actually, if you work out the math, student loans might be worth it if you major in computer science, MAYBE.  Another interesting thing is comparing it to other majors, in a cost-benefit sort of way.  Do doctors make more than software engineers?  On average, definitely.  Do you have to pay more for school to be a doctor?  Probably...maybe…

This post wasn’t supposed to be strictly economic, but I still think about this from time to time.  College for me is over - the question isn’t “Should I have majored in computer science?”, but “should we keep encouraging anyone and everyone to major in computer science?”  There’s been a massive push to get more people into computer science.  Anyone who’s watched “What most schools don’t teach” knows exactly what I’m talking about.

And it’s probably good, but what I take issue with is when money becomes the opening statement.  I saw some people burn out of computer science in college - not that many, I’ll be honest (some of our classes weren’t tough, but we were Davis...not Berkeley), but some.  One commenter on Piazza/Facebook complained that people come into computer science thinking it’s an easy route to money, when in reality it’s as rigorous as other fields of engineering and math.  I think Cal Newport said it best: If you know in your heart that you’re in this major because YOU CHOSE IT, yourself, you’ll find the motivation to keep going.  If someone chose it for you, then you might burn out.

Actually, I don’t even remember if he was talking about computer science.  Maybe it was a general statement, or something crazy like astrophysics.  

I knew a math major in my dorm.  She loved math as both a hobby and a career - that alone should give you pause, and I don’t know why she never saw the campus therapist, but let me continue - and she decided to take on a little coding for a possible minor.  I wrote out a study guide (admittedly irrelevant because the class changed) for her and tried to make sure she stayed motivated.  For her, as it turned out, this was all a non-issue.  She told me she loved it.  It was her first time coding, coding was hard, and frustrating, and took forever, and she absolutely loved it.

In the actual field, we had an intern whom I shall leave unnamed.  To be honest, working with him was pretty frustrating in some respects, or at least stressful.  We planned out his task and vision.  We knew his experience level, or his supposed experience level, and so we plotted out exactly when we expected each milestone to be completed.  I was prepared to give him a better experience than what I had - just empathy, and motivation, and making sure he had the resources he needed.  

Then he started, he came up to speed in a day, and he blew each task out of the water within days.  Half-way through his internship and he was done with everything we thought he would complete, and then some.  He apparently hadn’t worked with any of our various technologies before, but he picked up on each one, excelled, asked tons of questions, and then dominated.  After learning our system through some walkthroughs on day one, he barely needed any sort of help at all.  I think the best parting gift I gave him was leetcode frequencies, because God forbid a software engineer of that potential ever pay $14 a month for Leetcode premium.

So...for some people...there’s no need to motivate.  They’d probably be engineers even if engineers were paid average salaries, and they’d probably do this even if it were just a hobby.  Is software engineering for everyone, though?  What about people like me, who have brains that were probably better suited to major in something like English, or history?

Well...they can be, I believe.  I think we get wrapped up in this idea that software engineers, like my insane dorm mate, have to love coding so much that they relish the opportunity to sort names in C.  But there’s a lot more in coding than just sorting names in C.  There’s also C++, and then there’s this thing called Java, and then there’s that one language everyone swears will be the future.

We start people with C, and a lot of normal people like myself look at it and think, “Wow, this is confusing and boring as hell.”  Then it kind of grows on them when they realize how far they’ve come, but for some people it doesn’t.  They stick around for C++, maybe for the intellectual challenge, and they learn data structures.  Then comes all the extraordinarily useful theory, and algorithms that will definitely come up in extremely relevant interviews, and if you get to the very end of your college career without failing (since it’s a ladder) you might just get to take the boring stuff like hacking, graphics, AI, bioinformatics, and that one class where you actually build an app for a real company or campus client.

And we sure as hell don’t start people off with frontend, where they can reap the benefits of their efforts in days instead of weeks.  I actually see why this part makes more sense, but...there’s a lot of coding out there.  Even if you realize you despise most coding, there’s a whole world of UI/UX that...I admittedly have not seen in a while because we’re back in middleware.

But then in middleware, there’s that whole world of stock trading, where every nanosecond matters, and books explaining why every nanosecond matters, and infrastructure with applications that...that…

...there’s a lot to coding, and there’s also money.  But you can make money doing anything.

[leiaevans]

leia’s decision to audition for the summer musical had been a completely last minute choice that left her scrambling to put together her game plan. she practically had two days to pick a song, memorize a monologue, and practice for pieces in both her and joey’s. normally she felt like she worked well under pressure, more motivated even, but it would be a lie if she said she didn’t feel the pressure surrounding her. could she actually do this?

when leia had first heard the announcement that this year’s summer musical was going to be mamma mia, auditioning hardly crossed her mind. sure, she had been a part of the new directions and the cheerios for all four years of her high school career, but the one of mckinley’s musicals were one of the things she had never been crossed off her list. it wasn’t that she hadn’t been interested in the musicals, in fact it was rare to find someone in an arts school who didn’t want to be involved in some way or another, but leia had always found an excuse or a way to talk herself out of it. from her inexperience to her busy extra-curricular schedule, she had practically burnt out every excuse in the book for herself which made it that much harder to say no when both joey and drew continually encouraged her.

at first, leia had told herself she would help with joey’s dance and nothing more. that way she was helping out her friend while still getting a little taste of the auditions. a dance she could do, she had learned plenty of dances and routines for the cheerios, how was this any different? but after not being able to get the musical off her mind and talking things through with both joey and drew, their encouragement for her to try it out giving her the small boost she needed, she finally decided two days before the last audition day that she would follow their advice. she already was going to be there to help joey out, why not give it a shot? it wasn’t like it was one of the bigger productions the school put on, it was simply their summer fundraiser. or at least that’s what she told herself to get her past the school’s glass double doors.

walking into the school building, the gust of cold air circulating the building hit leia unexpectedly, a small smile on her face. she hadn’t thought she’d be walking these halls again so soon, but as she walked down the fluorescent lit halls to the finn hudson auditorium, she couldn’t say it wasn’t nice to be reminded of the good memories she had in this place. and in a way, she was still adding to that list, even if she didn’t make it into a huge role. feeling herself starting to become more and more distracted as she went, leia had to force herself to reel in her focus on one thing at a time, her first obstacle to pass being joey’s audition dance number. she wanted to do well in this dance number because she knew this was part of joey’s audition, but in a way this was part of her own audition too. she was trying her best not to let her thoughts roam past this first task of the day, knowing if she thought too much about it she would start to psych herself out, so instead she gave herself little to no room to think about anything except running the dance steps in through her mind once more while rushing her way to side stage where she was meant to wait for joey’s cue. 

when joey stepped over and grabbed her hand, she felt like she was right back on the side of the field during a football game as her smile went on and she was swept away into the music. by the time the pair had finished and leia was walking off the stage once more, not only did she feel good about how it went, but she had fun. after all the practice they had done in preparation, the steps were easy to keep up with and she was able to just enjoy the music and the dance without any stress clouding her every thought. in fact, recreating the waterloo scene almost made her begin to feel excited to be doing not just mamma mia, but the musical in general. as she made her way back to outside of the auditorium to sit in wait for her own audition, not wanting to listen to the other auditions and psych herself out, she truly let herself get lost in her thoughts. after all that had been happening around her, from school ending to the ongoing distance between her and theo, she was ready for a distraction. for something to get her out of the house for more than just a day. maybe it wasn’t trip to the coast to some beach or a summer road trip, but this could be the event that really does make her summer the special ‘last’ summer before college is in full swing. she had a good feeling about this summer. that is, until she heard her name being called, the weight of her nerves finally hitting her as she shakily stood.

truthfully, it all boiled down to leia’s lack of confidence in herself. she had never been one to be insanely conceited or self-assured in her skills. she knew she wasn’t the worst performer in any sense, but if anyone asked she would be the one to humbly say she was ‘decent’ or ‘alright’ and truly believe that. it was a fault she had always had, despite her parent’s unwavering support and reassurance that she was just overthinking. she had just always had the fear that she would get up to the stage and completely bomb her audition, or even worse, get a decent part and let everyone down because she couldn’t memorize her lines or keep up with the numerous dance numbers required. but if there was one thing she had learned from her previous talk with julien, it was that she couldn’t let these worries and insecurities prevent her from performing her absolute best. she needed to be present in the moment instead of dwelling on the ifs, ands, or buts. as long as she believed she had put her all into it and she did all that she could, she couldn’t be disappointed in herself. 

with one last deep breath and reassurance muttered to herself, leia pushed open the door and stepped into the auditorium. despite her quickened heartbeat and nerves feeling like pinpricks covering her skin, she kept her head high and her thoughts positive as she made her way to center stage, a smile spread across her lips. “hello everyone, i’m leia evans and i’ll be singing requiem from dear evan hansen.” she spoke out, her usual bubbliness was still there but between wanting to remain professional and her nerves, it was dialed back in comparison. “oh, and uh, i would be happy with any role you see fit for me,” she finished with another smile sent to the directors and a nod towards the pianist. leia waited with closed eyes, feeling herself shift her weight from foot to foot as she was unable to stay still. she knew this song was one she practically knew by heart, being one of her favorite musical soundtracks throughout the years, and she had practiced it nonstop over the past couple of days, she just had to simply begin. all she could do now was her best, so that’s what she did.

as the music began to play, leia finally opened her eyes as she began the first line of “why should i play this game of pretend?” she hadn’t necessarily picked this song for the relation to mamma mia like she maybe should have, but leia had always thought the music in dear evan hansen was beautiful, even if the message wasn’t. she also thought this would be one of her best bets to show off her vocals and emotional range to a certain degree, seeing as she had no real experience in acting but had learned how to show the emotion behind a song. while she personally had no situation she could compare to that the musical portrayed, with such an emotional ballad she felt like she could dip into situations of her own to portray that sense of emotion. leia had always been one to bottle up emotions, especially when her parents went through their divorce. while it wasn’t a death or a true loss, she had felt like it was the loss of her family. all of the pieces of the loving family were still there, but they didn’t fit together anymore. she had always tried to play off her feelings, wanting to be strong so that her parents weren’t having to worry over her at the same time, but truthfully it affected her, more than she’d liked to have admitted. 

before she knew it, she was finishing out the song with the final “i will sing no requiem tonight”, practically on the verge of tears herself, just thankful that her voice hadn’t cracked during the last verse. giving herself just a moment of pause to catch her breath and return to the present, leia then quickly moved on to the monologue portion of the audition. while both the song and dance seemed to take no time at all, the performance of the scene she had chosen went by even quicker if at all possible. when she had fully completed the audition, she moved to thank the directors for their time before quickly moving off stage and out of the building. it wasn’t a broadway level performance in any sense, having stumbled over a word or two during her monologue, but overall leia could easily say she felt relieved. despite the over thinking and the nervous haze that had seemed to follow her there, she actually felt good, confident in what she had done, and that’s all she have asked for.

[animebw]

Binge-Watching: Akagi, Episodes 18-26

Yep, that’s right. I went there.

Pro Gamer Move

You know, there are benefits and drawbacks to watching anime where I don’t have that much to analyze. On the one hand, I do this hobby because I like talking about anime, and my favorite shows always leave me with tons of shit to talk about. You don’t get to be a masterpiece without having plenty of qualities that warrant in-depth discussion. So whenever I’m faced with a something like Akagi, where things are kept simple, Spartan and straightforward, it can feel like the lack of things to talk about is evidence of some error on the show’s part. On the other hand, though, writing only a couple of notes per episode lets me blaze through long stretches of show at the speed of a caffeinated comet. And good fucking lord, I’ve topped myself this time. I just watched nine straight episodes of Akagi, taking me from the first volley of the second cours all the way to the end of the goddamn show. I burned through pretty much Akagi and Washizu’s entire battle in a single session. I’ve gotten through five or six episodes a post in the past, and I’m pretty sure my previous record was a seven-episode post in the middle of Myriad Colors Phantom World (easily KyoAni’s least worthwhile show, don’t bother watching it). But that was also back in the first few months of this blog when my analysis was still incredibly paired down and simple. I’ve never done anything close to this before. But that’s the kind of thing you can get away with when a show leaves you with so few thoughts on a regular basis.

This really is a testament to the differences between newer and older anime. New anime runs on a seasonal schedule, and it’s always competing for attention with twenty or thirty other shows airing at the same time. It just doesn’t have time to be this insanely methodical and precise; most audience members would’ve run out of patience by the end of the first match after it took three episodes to end. Stretching an entire battle out over a single cours in order to examine every last punch and blow and reversal and motivation in exhaustive detail? The only examples I can think of off the top of my head are Hunter x Hunter’s Chimera Ant arc and Haikyuu’s fantastic third season, and those both came well into their story’s run, after countless arcs with battles of more reasonable length and plenty of downtime outside the playing field fleshing out the characters in smaller, more varied settings. Imagine if we got the Chimera Ant arc right after the Hunter Exams in HxH, plunging into this extensive, lengthy, drawn-out battle of attrition that stretches across ten or twenty episodes in mostly the same location, with mostly the same characters, before they’d had pretty much any significant development. Would anyone have been invested enough to stick around? Hell, we don’t even reach the end of the match; the show ends on an unresolved cliffhanger with a good third of the battle still left to go, meaning this whole arc stretches out even longer than we get to see on screen. If nothing else, I gotta give Akagi credit for the balls it takes to pull something like this off. You just don’t see this kind of storytelling in anime these days. Of course, most modern anime is also kind enough to at least reach some kind of stopping point by the end of a season so you’re not left dangling with frustratingly unresolved story points, but eh. Old anime had its strengths and weaknesses just like modern anime, I suppose.

Crazypants

So once again, without much to speak of outside the basic experience of watching this intense match play out, and not even a solid ending to give us closure, we can really only judge Akagi on the quality of how fun it is to watch a couple insane maniacs play mahjong under intense pressure and life-threatening constraints. And surprisingly, I think it really works here. Now that we’ve abandoned any pretense of being a normal gambling anime and jumped headfirst into the heightened brutality and insane stakes that would become famous in Kaiji Ultimate Survivor, watching the madness unfold is honestly really goddamn entertaining. Everyone’s playing a million different angles at once, every lengthy exchange hits hard, and there’s a real feeling of excitement to seeing how Akagi’s gonna wriggle his way out of every stroke of bad luck. It also helps that I’m honestly starting to wrap my head around mahjong at this point, so when Washizu gets a stroke of luck that leads to him drawing a triple dora indicator that gives his hand a twelve-dora bonus, I actually understood just what a terrifying fucking prospect that was and starting freaking out on a visceral level. Like, shit, I could probably fake my way through a round or two of mahjong myself by now, provided I wasn’t facing anyone as insane as these guys. Though if I’m being honest, the real secret weapon is the fantastic production and direction. This kind of grungy intensity is right in old-school Madhouse’s wheelhouse, and the use of CG backgrounds and playing pieces to facilitate dynamic camera movements makes every dramatic moment smash with genuine impact. When Washizu digs ferociously into the piece pit searching for his winning tile and demons start sprouting from his back, it legitimately feels like he’s about to swallow us whole. And it keeps layering sick-ass imagery on top of sick-ass imagery, with the reaper’s scythe coming in to cut Akagi’s life short and the spiraling path up to the closed door to victory. Seriously, if it weren’t for how damn good the production is, I don’t think I’d be having nearly as much fun.

Staring Death in the Face

But, of course, the real meat of this showdown is the psychological games the participants play in order to come out on top. And it’s here that this match gets just enough thematic weight on its bones to kick ass on a near-emotional level as well as a cerebral level. Washizu almost sees himself as immortal; he’s survived so many hardships that he’s come to believe he’ll never die. No matter what obstacles are in his way, luck will always be on his side. Of course, this is nothing but a defense mechanism against his continued march toward his inevitable grave. Mortality is the one danger he can’t defeat. And Akagi can see full well just how much the scares the piss out of him. Washizu is a man hiding behind his power and money and influence, using them as shields to keep himself from harm while presenting himself as a grand warrior who will never be laid low. But strip away that armor of money, and the man underneath is nothing but a crazed rat, lashing out against the walls of inevitability closing in. He’s scared, and that fear of death is what inspires his urge to kill. He wants to kill because he doesn’t want to die. By killing others, he asserts his dominance over death. Look how I use you to my ends, he says. Look how I slaughter the young who should’ve outlived me and deflect fate from its natural course. It’s his way of pretending that death, too, is an enemy he can triumph over.

And that’s what makes Akagi the perfect opponent to bring him to his knees. Because Akagi is his polar opposite: he doesn’t fear death at all. He takes huge risks and waits that allow opportunities for Washizu to get in hits against him. He refuses to gamble his blood back, pushing himself closer and closer to death’s door and taking all his winnings in cash (”I’m only here to grab money like a miser.”) He is the embodiment of what Washizu fears most: someone who’s most powerful desire is the desire to see him dead. Not even Akagi’s own life is more important to him than bringing this titan of the Shoya era to his knees. And unlike Washizu, Akagi is fully self-aware of his own perspective. Which means he’s able to weaponize it. By showing off his indifference towards death over and over again, proving through action how little he fears dying, he instill subconscious fear in his foe. He presents Washizu an opponent who can’t be cowed by the fear of death. In other words, Washizu can’t rely on his defense mechanism of pretend he’s conquered death by making his opponent dear it. And slowly but surely, that fear comes bubbling to the surface. The longer the match goes on, the less cautious Washizu becomes, taking bigger and bigger risks and making more and more mistakes out of a desire to kill Akagi as fast as possible, kill this maddening boy who doesn’t fear death, kill this man and re-assert his dominance over death.

But Akagi’s refusal to crack only makes Washizu crack more and more, all while Akagi’s slowly draining blood makes the prospect of victory seem that much more possible. As long as the hope of victory exists, Washizu will continue to press forward for his pride’s sake no matter how bad things get. And Akagi uses that bait to lure his foe into the perfect trap, climaxing in an absolutely gobsmacking reversal where after holding on to the critical 1 or circles for so long, Akagi finally discards it and deals into Washizu’s hand, giving him an enormous, overwhelming win... until Yasuoka head-bumps it out of nowhere and drives his triumph into the dust. The single best hand we’ve seen yet, and it’s completely destroyed by one of the side characters. In one fell swoop, the hunter has become the hunted, and for the first time, Washizu knows what it means to tremble in fear while playing for his life. Shame we’ll never get to see the end of it, because that moment was fucking awesome.

Welp, I guess that’s Akagi. Damn, I’m gonna have to think on this for a bit. Expect my series reflection later tonight, as well as what show will take its place!

[lamergelee]

Indian Horses Once or twice, I don’t know, maybe three times, a horse or donkey, yes a donkey I think because it had the ears and the coat and the X shaped cross of those Cotentin ones, but anyway, anyway, isn’t that animal wholly consigned to the country of its registered designation of origin, according to height, which decides whether you belong to the higher plane or if you are a plain beggarly size, this animal wasn’t a horse, or else it was a small one with big ears, which goes to say a donkey and not a horse, observe, these animals are always being compared and always in the same way, the donkey to the horse and not the horse to the donkey, you see a donkey and you think of a horse but when you see a horse do you think of a donkey? Anyway, whatever this donkey was, once, twice, once and once again and then it was clear, then it cleared off, which is to say it jumped over the gate, whether to go somewhere or because it was being beaten or couldn’t bear living fenced off in a field or maybe its mind was on greener grass, as the saying goes, or maybe it was dreaming of a milder climate, or maybe it was expecting a better life expectancy, it’s hard to say, what do we know, you and I, about the donkey’s life, and who are we to judge its motives, how could we know and what good would it do? All we know is that it wanted to leave, or had to, or both at once, as having to leave couldn’t be enough, willpower must still heed necessity, which is to say must listen and understand and rise up against the arguments of resignation, this is what we mean by courage perhaps, if courage is insane willpower and not the perseverance of courageous sorts like us, you and I, who don’t end up all that cultured as a result. When there isn’t any insanity, courage is nothing but prolonged pain, that’s what I tell myself but this isn’t even the start of any lecture, as I don’t have anything to say about courage, you know my age-old love of little subjugations. What perseverance I had within my own enclosure without even having the idea of a donkey. There are so many arguments for dying in your own geography that, right now, right where we are, we must consider that the necessity of leaving is still not enough to provoke leaving, still you need that insane willpower, and this willpower cannot be conceived without an idea of freedom, an idea that burns even more fiercely in donkeys or apes than in the people around here. You and I have always weighed up the advantages and disadvantages which are tallied-up in the assets and small superiorities to which we cling like bits of driftwood so as to grow accustomed to any kind of fate, so if some madman escapes and runs across the forests, mountains and plains or crosses the sea and keeps on going by sheer willpower, that same mad willpower is rebuked, their courage slighted, their journey across nature’s hostilities a sign of barbarity, as people around here won’t leave without their return ticket, you and I prefer cultural trips made by reservation, we still hope to put good times behind us, our life insurance is the fear of losing everything. Thus have we lost, you and I, through the accumulation of contrary constraints against our first nature, the ability that we had when we were Indians: in that nameless country where you never come, where every tree makes you sick and each blade of grass kills you. I hear the combine harvesters and some bees in the soft breeze and the too hot sky, I wonder what kind of childhood we have given our children, how we have taught them to detach themselves from their desire to go where they want, how we have reduced them to their education, how we have prepared them for this future which awaits them, how we have fought against their insane willpower, to the point of pushing them to turn the blade back onto themselves, to turn their arms into roadmaps with the lines of razor blades and bleed red to feel alive. Feeling alive is so rare around here that it has to be sought out beneath children’s skin. It reminds me of a tiger that escaped from a cage or a circus in Paris last winter, it was shot at and it died, shot down is what they say in hunting, which works for humans as well in certain accounts such as news stories, shot down and killed which doesn’t exactly mean eliminated or liquidated or executed but killed anyway, whatever that means, which isn’t ok when in comes to preserving the living world as you say, the living world, yes because it’s a global subject and a question, as I too say, which will never cease to concern us, I quote you, if living beings stopped wanting to choose the place where they didn’t want to live, would they die any less? There are some reserves for the living world, in Africa there are some, the Indians too live in reserves, they survived elimination because of reserves, that’s what has allowed a few representatives of Indian culture to be preserved before their extinction and those Indian customs inscribed into human heritage, well, all that Indian folklore that children love anyway, the feathers, the painting, the peace pipes, the culture that we have, you and I, full of heritage and preservation, but I’m not trying to say that Indians should be compared to African animals. I’m not going to lower the Indian to the level of an animal, I also refuse to lower the animal to the level of an animal because this animal level is a problem here, on this continent which normally treats animals like a dog, and the majority of living things like a dog, and so then treats dogs like dogs too, like we treat them and not like Indians treat dogs because Indians do not enslave things in this way, there’s something in this, about treatment, we have this history of treating people as slaves, even if the slave trade was terminated with its abolition, this term of treatment has remained in our vocabulary, so present is treatment in our minds that we have to treat a question as we treat people, dogs and things, that’s why I want to imagine a horse for example, or a donkey, who cares, escaping in our place, seeing as we have given up wanting for fear of madness. But do you remember those Indian horses that carried us, when we were free, through the tall grass and in the pale dawn and far away, remember, there were beautiful young bison, calves perhaps, they were like a backdrop, gently grazing, free from any history in this nameless country that is so good at fencing off its herds, which makes me think, now, because of this donkey, because of the weight of our assets and our small superiorities. What are we going to do, you and I, when it comes to liquidation, with these old things that form the miserable wealth of people here. --- "Indian Horses" : Texte de Noémi Lefebvre traduit en anglais par Jessica Spivey. Vidéo : STUDIO DOITSU.

[youngjusticeslut]

Let’s Talk About Will Harper!

Hello friends, and welcome to another round of analyzing Will Harper’s character: finale edition!

This will be a (very) long post that will contain spoilers for the remainder of YJO (you’ve been warned), and is a general analysis and my feelings about his character this season. I will also make a general disclaimer: I love Young Justice, and while this season wasn’t my favorite, I still enjoyed it as a whole. However, because I love this show, I care enough to point out things I wish could have been changed, or questions I have regarding character development. I also love Will Harper, despite the things I’m about to point out. I have and will always love his character. So with that out of the way, let’s dig in! 

This season started off strong with Will. Each time Will showed up in the first 13 episodes, we learned something new about him. In ‘Princes All’, we learned that he and Artemis are roommates and co-raising his daughter. In ‘Private Security’, we learned how much he’s grown since S2, has a stable relationship with Jim and Roy, has a successful business, and cares about his daughter. In ‘Home Fires’, we learned that he participates in the ‘Superhero Mommy and Me’ playdates, and struggles a bit with being a single dad. In ‘Exceptional Human Beings’, we learned that he still holds a candle for Jade and wants her to come home because he and his daughter needs her. 

All solid, character-driven moments. Pretty strong. 

However, in the second half of the season, this character development pretty much halts, and I’m left with more questions rather than answers. My biggest qualms with Will’s character (esp in the latter half of the season), are his relationship with Lian, his relationship with Artemis, and his existence to serve other characters. 

Will’s relationship with Lian: I know, I can already hear you. ‘Ariel, you’re the biggest Will and Lian lover like wtf do you have to complain about’. Valid. But I have criticisms about how their relationship was portrayed in the latter half of the season, especially once Lian started becoming more prominent. For the normal people out there who only watch their interactions once, you probably don’t see anything wrong with it. Will is a good father, he loves his daughter, all is well. However, being the insane person that I am who has watched their interactions approximately 67 times each, I started to notice that things were... off. 

If you go back and rewatch the scenes, Will only interacts with his daughter twice this season: In ‘Private Security’, when he touches her head, and in ‘Leverage’, where they share the adorable moment over dinner and she gets another head-ruffle. That’s about... it. Heck, Will met Lian on Valentine’s day, and yet, on a Valentine’s day episode, there’s no mention of it, and he instead has Violet babysit her so he can hook up with Artemis. Every other moment involving Lian, you’ll notice that she’s usually in the care of Artemis. Artemis is the one who administers bath time and who snuggles her when she’s scared of a thunderstorm. Artemis is the one who is usually encouraging her and has a pet-name for her. Despite an entire season of moments with our favorite toddler, we have very little indication of what her relationship with her father is actually like. 

In the comics, Roy and Lian are incredibly close. He isn’t a perfect father, but he loves Lian and very clearly shows it. In Young Justice... Well, I know Artemis loves her niece. It’s the little things that I wish would have been different. Small changes. Like Will kissing Lian’s head before Violet puts her to bed in ‘Overwhelmed’. Will being the one to have a nickname for her. Will could have been the one about to give Lian a bath while Artemis has coffee with Helga and Jefferson. As a viewer, it’s more important to me to see a father’s relationship with his daughter, rather than an aunt’s. Especially when this father-daughter relationship was so crucial to Roy’s character in the comics. 

Also, I’ll make an addendum and say I know Will and comic!Roy’s personalities are different. I know Will is more stoic and has a harder time expressing emotions. But I think there is a middle ground between ‘interacts with daughter via 2 head touches’ and ‘smothering her with kisses’. And I truly hope this is developed more in Season 4. 

Will’s relationship with Artemis: I will go to my grave saying that I don’t understand why Will and Artemis’ relationship was a plotline this season. I really would have liked them to remain platonic, they served as excellent roommates/family to each other. However, I respect the writers’ decisions, and on a surface level, it makes sense. Let’s think about it for a moment. Artemis and Will are both single, and both hurt by a previous lover. They have someone that connects them (Lian), and are pretty attractive people. Thinking about it from a totally non-biased standpoint, I can see why they would form feelings for each other. 

I just... don’t care for how the relationship worked out. I wish we’d gotten some more explanation as to what they truly saw in each other, aside from a few longing glances. Was it a matter of convenience? Was it a matter of grief? I don’t know. I wish I knew. I would have liked to see Will’s reactions in episode 25. In episode 10, he was still hung up on Jade. And yet in episode 25... nothing. Not even a thought when he kisses her sister? A glance at a photograph? Did he regret it? What were his emotions? 

I thought his feelings for Artemis came out of left field, because other than two weird glances, we didn’t know anything about how he felt about her. We have one scene in which she admires his domesticity and how he interacted with Lian, but nothing on the reverse. Maybe it was solely physical. Who knows? At the end of the day, we’re at the same place we started: with both of them in a platonic, roommates/family situation. So.. why go down the romance path at all? Now I’m left with more questions, and little answers.

Will’s existence to serve other characters: I know, I know. This sounds super harsh. I promise I have a point, though, if you bear with me. In the first half of YJO, as mentioned previously, Will has direction, thoughts, and motivations. He owns a company and wants to help Dick realize his errors in ‘Private Security’. He chats up Lynn in ‘Home Fires’. He tries to reason with Jade and bring her back home in ‘Exceptional Human Beings’. Again, this halts in the latter half of 3b. For the rest of the season, Will is essentially an accessory to Artemis’ journey. His presence in the plot is to exist around Artemis and serve as her potential love interest, without any real thoughts, feelings or motivations of his own. How does he feel about having a full house? No clue. Is he concerned for his daughter’s well-being? How is he doing, personally, in his life? I wish I knew. What about his relationship with Kaldur? Did they have a falling out, are they still close? Does he still talk with his former friends? What about his relationship with Jim, Roy, Ollie and Dinah? So many questions, not enough answers. 

Again, I’ll bring up the scene and my analysis above on when he and Artemis kiss. Though, I’m going to take a swift turn and put a positive spin on this scene for a moment. Because outside of all this, I do feel bad for Will. You can tell that he tried, by setting up a romantic dinner. Has Will Harper ever even been on a date? I’m sure he hadn’t done many, if at all, with Jade. This poor guy, probably only ever been with Jade until she left him and (likely) broke his heart. He was just listening to her by moving on, hoping that maybe he had a chance with her sister Artemis. You can tell he’s grown as a character, and took the liberty to set everything up and do it the right way. And in the end, he was still turned down. Jury’s out on whether he was actually relieved, or lying and lamenting a girl he really cared for, but still. I have to give him kudos here. Poor Will. 

If I could rewrite the Will and Artemis scenes from episode 25, I would change a couple of things. I would not have had Will initiate; Artemis should have initiated. She could have kissed him, and Will would have been the one to pull away. He could have said something, anything about it not being right, about still having feelings for Jade. Artemis still could have ran off and felt ashamed of herself. Upon coming home, Will would apologize, and they still could have had a talk. And everything would have worked out just the same. 

If you’re still reading, amen to you, and thanks for sticking it out! Again, I do love Will Harper. I’m just frustrated by his portrayal in the latter half of Season 3. I do hope that we get to spend some more time with him in Season 4, and hopefully his relationships with everyone will be improved upon. 

[writingonesdreams]

Novel Prep tag Game 3 - New wip: Flickers in the dust

So a new wip, another Novel prep tag game. These questions are just perfect for testing and developing ideas so here we go.

Rules: Answer the questions and then tag as many writers as there are questions answered (or as many as you can) to spread the positivity! Even if these questions are not explicitly brought up in the novel, they are still good to keep in mind when writing.

1. Describe your novel in 1-2 sentences (elevator pitch)

The question: How can a bunch of people with "useless" skills survive an post-apocalyptic world?

Impassive procastrinator Alysa travels with her self-destructive childhood friend Kyle, and the energetic 8 yeal old neighbour Iris, with the delinquent but vigorous boxer Roman and his werewolf friend Wes through the desolated world left after the apocalypse, trying to reach a better life in a bigger city.

2. How long do you plan for your novel to be? (Is it a novella, single book, book series, etc.)

A novel for now.

3. What is your novel’s aesthetic?

Dusty wastelands. Long field road. Vacant ghost towns and abandoned cars. Dust storms. Constant dark cloudy sky.

4. What other stories inspire your novel?  

Megalo Box, Wolf’s rain, The promised Neverland, Ergo Proxy

5. Share 3+ images that give a feel for your novel

6. Who is your protagonist?

Alysa is a talented, thoughtful girl and former child prodigy, but she had trouble deciding what she wanted from life and started to fail her university exams. Her lack of self-discipline, motivation or healthy socilaization led her to believe she is quite unfit for the adult life or the world in general. After the apocalypse happenes she is forced to drastically change her priorities and negative thinking for the sake of survival.

7. Who is their closest ally?

Kyle is emotionally abused, burned-out genius with a self-destructive streak and fondness for dark humor. His will to live and emotional stability has steadily decreased over the years. Staying alive has been enough of a challange, so activelly fighting to survive seems like a pretty impossible feat to him.

8. Who is their enemy?

The desolated world after the apocalypse and it’s survival challanges, including insane mutated humans, ruthless gangs, isolated research centers, way too intelligent wolf packs and their struggle not to give up on their will to live.

9. What do they want more than anything?

The main characters want to be capable enough to survive and in addition to that live in a somehow meaningful way. To find out what's really important and what's the main difference between survival and living.

10. Why can’t they have it?

Alysa was pretty much a failing existence when it came to finding her place in the adult society and now she is supposed to survive in a world that's 100 times worse after the apocalypse. How can she do that when she had trouble surviving in the normal one?

Kyle struggled to find reasons to stay alive after his emotional abuse and depression. He has been saved by his friends and family from this, but now it's not just his survival at stake. Will a boy that had to be constantly saved from himself, be able to save someone else?

Roman was a boxer and convict before the apocalypse happened. His violent past marked him as unfit to decent people, but ironically made him exceptionally suitable for this destroyed world- he pretty much has better chances for a good life now then before. Does this make him a bad person? Does he deserve to win against the world or will he change to match it's cruel conditions?

11. What do they wrongly believe about themselves?

Alysa believes she is worthless and incapable as a person.

Kyle feels like he is living on borrowed time anyway and doesn't see any perspectives for himself.

Roman isn’t sure if his abilities to survive that are based on his violent past don’t make him a bad person.

12. Draw your protagonist! (Or share a description)

Alysa is tall and slender girl, has middle long wavy blond hair, light blue eyes and ivory skin. She has very delicate features and is rather pale.

Roman is muscular and tall with tanned olive skin, black curly hair and amber eyes. He is covered in scars, most notably on his chest, arms and neck.

Kyle is tall, lanky and not visibly muscular even though he is trained in martial arts. He has a bit longer black hair, with bangs falling in his eyes, very pale skin and grey eyes.

Wes in his human form has dirty blond curly hair and eyes that change from green-blue to black according to his mood. He has dusty grey fur in his wolf form.

Iris has short red hair and vibrant green eyes.

Plot Points

13. What is the internal conflict?

The characters struggle with their will to live in a destroyed world and with their feelings of worthlessness and inaptitude to fend for themselves or build happy lives.

14. What is the external conflict?

Surviving in the destroyed world, maturing and growing stronger, adapting to change and fighting for themsleves in a world that is aiming to make it as hard as possible for them.

15. What is the worst thing that could happen to your protagonist?

To die because they gave up on life instead of the world actually killing them. Losing to the harsh conditions of the world would be better then losing to themselves (albeit not much).

16. What secret will be revealed that changes the course of the story?  

How do you not give up when everything seems hopeless? Who is the worse enemy in this destroyed world - the mutated monsters or the humans left? Where does the will to carry on come from? Is it possible to hold on to humanity in a world of ruin? And what is it that makes us human?

17. Do you know how it ends?  

Nope. I’m happy I don’t, since it makes it seem like a very exciting story to work on!

18. What is the theme?  

Self-worth, aptitude for life, will to live, not giving up, true companions, bonds, drive, meaning

19. What is a reoccurring symbol?  

Dust, wind, dark sky, endless road, storms

20. Where is the story set? (Share a description!)  

A destroyed post-apocalyptic Earth, where the majority of the population died and the rest flocks together in desperation into cities for protection from the zombie-like humans affected by the radiation and mutated over-intelligent wolves.

21. Do you have any images or scenes in your mind already?  

Many scenes, dialogues, themes, flashes of setting and atmosphere.

22. What excited you about this story?

Something about the destroyed post-apocalyptic world fascinates me. It’s a plot around survival and hard conditions forcing the protagonists to face their inner demons and self-doubts if they want to survive and have the will and drive to fight, witch often makes the difference between life and death. Also the necessity for the characters to trust and rely on each other and their group dynamics development is very exciting.

23. Tell us about your usual writing method!  

I always start with characters that I stick in different scenarios or in my favourite movies and series or books and let them interact. From those I mostly get inspiring scenes that I try to connect through a plot. Afterwards I work on characterisation, world-building, research details and outline stuff a bit. I also write little snippets that sometimes turn long and can be used as chapters.

-

I'm tagging a few peeps I haven't seen doing this game if you are interested: @piratequeenofpixies @imaghostwriter @tenacious-scripturient @writingwhithotchocolate @cabaretofwords @nemowritesstuff @emmathenovelist  @bos-ingit @my-desk-is-full-of-used-pens @purpleshadows1989 @whiteblack-raindrops @surroundedbypearls & anyone who wants to!

Wip tag list:  @tenacious-scripturient @hyba @urbanteeth (tell me if you want to get on/off)

[ciestessde]

Phantasma Magica Ch. 8

STORY SUMMARY

Clockwork and the Observants send Danny to Hogwarts on a special mission. But, cryptic as ever, that Old Stopwatch never actually told him what would happen on it!!! “All you need to do right now, Daniel, is stay focused on your mission. And remember, the-” “‘The Lions with the time-turner, lightning-bolt scar, and hair like fire are friends; watch out for the rat; and the black dog is not a threat.’ Yeah, you’ve only repeated that a few dozen times today.”

Next → ← Previous (First)

When Danny arrived in Lupin’s office without the promised rat, well...

Sirius was furious. They now had essentially no way of finding Pettigrew -- except wandering around and hoping against hope that they spotted him.

Remus tried to calm him down. “He won’t have gone far. He has no reason to suspect Danny’s true motives. I’m sure he’ll turn up again-” “But for how long?! We had him! I KNEW I should’ve gotten him myself!” Danny floated down and let his feet touch the floor near the pacing Sirius. “I’m sorry. I can try to track him, but it’s hard to feel a living human soul under an animal’s mind.” Sirius stopped walking and spun to face him. His jaw tight, he growled, “I have a better idea.”

They spent several hours using Sirius’ dog nose and knowledge of the castle (helped by Danny’s invisibility) to search. But with no luck.

Still. The walk and passing of time helped calm Sirius a bit. After finishing by searching the castle grounds -- still with no luck -- they ended their search in the Shrieking Shack.

Defeated, Sirius changed back into a human and sat on the dilapidated excuse for a bed. “...” Danny floated there awkwardly. Remembering how he had almost attacked innocent Sirius in this room... “... I know there wasn’t much you could do.” Sirius head continued to hang -- he was looking at the news clipping he’d shown Danny. The one with the picture of “Scabbers.” “He knows this castle just as well as Moony and me. I just…” A shadow passed over his expression, but he looked up with a fire in his eyes. “I refuse to let that traitor go free. I don’t want go back to Azkaban -- you have no idea what being around that many of those things is like -- but I’d rather that than let Wormtail continue living like nothing happened.” His gaze softened, and his mouth thinned into a line. “That’s no excuse for taking it out on you, though, so… I’m sorry about that. We’ll just have to keep our eyes open for now.”

It had been a particularly long day for Danny, so, despite the sun being up, he decided to sleep in his makeshift bedroom in the Pipes. He had taken some pillows from the Divination classroom, a spare blanket from a closet -- and so on -- to form as cosey a resting area as he could manage in the damp space. Granted, the cold didn’t affect him (thankfully), but these things (the cushions especially) made it easier to relax.

“Scabbers” never showed up again, though, and the disappearance of his beloved pet had a rather unexpectedly drastic effect on Ron. As more and more time passed with no evidence as to what happened, he came to the most natural conclusion: “First the Firebolt, and now this! That bloody cat of yours ate him! He ATE SCABBERS!” If Danny didn’t know better, he probably would’ve agreed with Ron -- Crookshanks had shown a lot of interest in hunting the malnourished rodent, after all. But the extent to which Ron was blaming Hermione for his pet’s “death” was… actually mildly concerning. Danny excused most of Ron’s behaviour as raging hormones, but still… 

A part of him, a large part of him, wanted to tell them what actually happened -- that Scabbers was Pettigrew, that they had no reason to worry about Black anymore… -- But he just couldn’t risk it. If he told them, they’d act differently. And he had no way of knowing if or when Pettigrew might be watching. He couldn’t afford to tip him off. So instead... he let Ron mourn his rat.

Danny had been going with Harry to his anti-dementor lessons, regularly talking with Lupin about phantasms afterwards. The professor had decided to write a book about him. (No personal information, of course!) It was during one of these that Danny’s dislike -- bordering on hate -- of the wizards’ Ministry was solidified. “It was in the Daily Prophet this morning. The Ministry have given the dementors permission to suck out Sirius’ soul if they find him.” “-What?!” “It’s not that surprising, really. It’s one of the most extreme punishments for criminals -- but that’s the type of criminal they believe him to be.” “How are you so calm about this?!” “I assure you, I am not. But there’s not much more we can do about it than we already are doing. Sirius will just have to be extra careful not to get caught.”

Danny couldn’t argue with that. And besides, he had other things to distract him when he saw his friends the next morning. The teachers had finally satisfied themselves that Sirius’ anonymous present to Harry, the “Firebolt” broomstick, was safe. But while Harry was just excited to have his broom back (him and the entirety of the Gryffindor House, who seemed to think the Quidditch Cup was practically theirs because of it) -- Ron took this as yet more proof of Hermione being a terrible friend. “See, Hermione? There wasn’t anything wrong with it!” “Well -- there might have been!” Danny supposed Hermione’s arguing back didn’t help matters much… “I mean, at least you know now that it’s safe!” “Yeah, I suppose so,” was Harry’s response. ‘Oh wow. I hope I wasn’t this oblivious back when-’ He cut off that thought. There was no point in thinking about that now.

With Ron even more opposed to spending time with Hermione; and Harry thoroughly distracted by the Firebolt, his lessons with Lupin, and the upcoming Quidditch match against the Hufflepuff house… Danny decided to spend more time with Hermione. Hermione, who was secretly using a time-turner to time-travel and attend more classes than she should be able to, but was somehow now drowning in homework in the Gryffindor Common Room… … Danny was very confused.

He tapped her shoulder lightly before speaking so she’d know it was him. “Why don’t you just use the time-turner to get more rest?” he whispered. “What?!” She flinched. That was too loud. She checked to make sure no one noticed, then whispered, “How do you know about the time-turner?” “I was sent here by Clockwork, the Master of Time, remember? That thing is giving off faint time-aura from under your shirt. Although, I can probably only detect it because I’ve been around the stuff so much.” She was silent for a moment. “I’m supposed to avoid changing time as much as possible. Loads of wizards who’ve meddled with time have ended up killing their past or future selves by mistake! To use it for anything other than the absolutely essential is too risky! Professor McGonagall was very clear about the rules I was to follow in order to use it. It’s all part of her agreement with the Ministry.” Danny contained a snort of laughter. “Um… Actually… It’s more like the agreement they have with Clockwork.”

Hermione stopped writing in her notes. “I can personally guarantee that using the time-turner to, y’know… not go insane will be perfectly fine by my mentor.” “... Could we… Speak in private for a bit?” Danny thought he knew where this was going. “You want to know more about Clockwork and stuff?” “If that’s alright.” “I can share a little, anyway.”

Hermione packed up her schoolwork, and they moved to an abandoned classroom. “So the Ministry -- or someone at the Ministry -- knows Chron- I mean, Clockwork?!” “Well… Kind of. I’m not allowed to tell you much, but let’s just say that most of those deaths were actually Clockwork following the orders of HIS bosses. Time travel’s not all that dangerous, really.” “What about paradoxes?” “Things just split into a new timeline.” “Huh… So then, why all the rules?” “To keep humans from abusing the power. They -- Clockwork’s bosses -- don’t like not knowing what’s going to happen.”

There was silence for a few moments while Hermione thought. “Danny… You said Clockwork is your guardian.” “Yeah…” It wasn’t a question. “I’m, uh… Not a normal phantasm…” Hermione winced. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” “No, it’s alright.”

Danny settled down at one of the desks. “... I used to be human. My parents were ghost hunters -- some of the best in the field, in fact! They built what was supposed to be a portal into the ghosts’ dimension -- the ‘Ghost Zone’ -- but it didn’t work. I, like an idiot, went inside to get a closer look. It turned on with me inside it.” Hermione’s eyes widened, but she didn’t speak. “In order for a phantasm to form, rather than be born, a soul has to come in contact with a large amount of ectoplasmic energy and have a strong enough will to live. Clockwork… He saved me. If not for him, I wouldn’t have become a phantasm -- I’d just be dead.” “Oh…” “...”

“Have you… ever gone back?” “...” Danny looked at the desk in front of him. “A few times. But, uh… Going back for too long or often would… not be good. I could become ‘tied’ there and never able to leave. And if that happened…” He paled, “I’d-rather-not-think-about-it.” “I’m sorry!” “--No, no… It’s alright.” He smiled at her. “You, uh, actually remind me a lot of one of my friends from back then.” His eyes lit up, and he smiled. “Sam, she was this big activist. She was a self-proclaimed ‘ultra-recyclo-vegetarian’ and goth, and she always had a cause -- usually multiple -- that she was fighting for! She would’ve loved your whole ‘free the house-elves’ movement! And my sister, Jazz -- you’re both ridiculously smart and like taking care of your friends.” Hermione was blushing a little bit, but seemed pleased. “You must miss them terribly.” Danny grimaced, his smile fading. “Yeah…”

She moved over so she could rest her hand on his arm. Cold, but not as freezing as she expected. “If there’s anything I can do to make this place feel more like home to you…” She smiled comfortingly at him. “Just tell me. You’re my friend.” He smiled back at her.

“So, uh… You going to start using the time-turner more?” “Oh!” Hermione moved back to where she had spread out her homework and grabbed a blank piece of parchment. She started muttering and working out some math problems. “... Yes, if I take a few hours out of my sleeping schedule, there should be enough room for two of me in my bed… And that room should be empty during this period…” She seemed satisfied after a few minutes. And indeed, Hermione looked much more rested after that. Danny even played lookout on occasion to make sure no one noticed multiple Hermiones wandering around.

‘Now that I’ve solved that problem…’ Ron had noticed Danny was spending more time with Hermione, and he took it as a sign of betrayal. Danny tried to think of some way he could bridge the gap between the two: ‘He’ll come around eventually. Even if it won’t be until he finds out about Pettigr-though... I guess that might just make him MORE upset…’ … But he was coming up empty.

Harry (or rather, Harry’s Firebolt) was more successful at cheering Ron up. There was a lot of excitement as the first match came up that Harry’d be riding it in. And when Danny got to see Harry fly on it, he understood why.

It wasn’t quite as fast as Danny was when he flew -- but it was pretty damn close! No one else on (above?) the field stood a chance! And to put icing on the cake, Harry completely humiliated some bullies who tried to sabotage him, too! Malfoy -- (‘Why is it always Malfoy?! That’s it. I need to ask them how this rivalry started!’) -- and some of his friends had thought it was a brilliant idea to try and scare Harry by dressing up and pretending to be dementors. But, as Lupin put it, Harry “gave Mr. Malfoy quite a fright” when he used the “patronus charm” he’d been working on in his anti-dementor lessons against them. The group of Slytherin students got into a lot of trouble for their stunt, AND Harry won the game for the Gryffindor team!

And for a while, things were actually peaceful -- for both Danny AND his friends.

But still without any sign of Peter Pettigrew.

~~~~~

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[darknessprinceofasuretha-blog]

The Seamless Boy Born In Blood

Notes: my soul intent is to horrify everyone who reads this but if it’s not scary to you? Oh well I tried my best to scare people. I hope you are disturbed too. This is what happens when I’m allowed to write whatever I want and I’ve been reading too many stories of horror and murder and this happens.

⚠️ Trigger Warning: this contains four semi detailed death scenes, mentions of suicide, Murder, insanity, profanity ! Tread carefully, if you have a weak stomach I do not suggest reading ! ⚠️

The boy sat in his parents blood, his cheeks tear stained and his hands bloodstained he had been sitting in his parents blood for hours days even and no one has yet to find him, how fitting for him, don’t you think? His eyes are blue his hair light pink, his mother's hair red and his father’s white. He was the direct result of his mother and father trying desperately for a baby and mother was so happy when she figured out he was coming and he was healthy unlike his miscarried siblings who lived for a max of thirty minutes or less after birth.

The boy had a perfect life now it meant close to nothing because of the fact that both of his parents were taken away from him so brutally and he hopes that he will be able to recover from this tragedy but who knows it basically depends on who took him in. it was seeming to get darker and darker and darker, as footsteps and worried voices grew louder, louder, louder. Though he had not the energy to care he had been with his parents rotting corpses for five days now, the smell was rancid.

The boy you will know as Reimlas Dorlana, five days ago witnessed his parents being brutally murdered in front of him. His mother sawed in half and then chopped into little pieces to be fed to fish though they beheaded her and kept her head, his father torn apart limb from limb and also cut up into tiny pieces that they were going to try and make the boy eat, they took his father's head too, even went as far as cutting out his tongue and digging out his eyes. Though why did they leave him alive? To suffer the burden of knowing the murderers of his parents? They were close friends they were jealous of his mother, so they killed her, though the behavior leading up to them killing his parents didn’t surprise him.

The boy was so weak he wouldn’t make it if paramedics didn’t show up soon. The door slammed open to reveal the face of the young man who lived next door but he couldn’t do anything at that point he then blacked out and he couldn’t remember what happened after that he woke up in a hospital bed. The next thing he knew he was being towered over by an extremely kind nurse who tended to his wounds, he too got wounds for trying to protect his mother which resulted in him getting hurt.

She could not yet fathom the psychological horrors that he just went through, she never will until she watches her parents torn limb from limb, tongue cut off and eyes dug out, just to be squished under a shoe. Oh, evidence the clothing would be burnt by now. That alone will put him through years of therapy, though even that will not ease the pain of seeing his parents murdered in front of him.

Every time it seems he has something good he seems to just lose it. Just like his sanity he’s begun to question it, he has lost all feelings, maybe it’s for the best, if he did feel things maybe he would act a bit more normal? Reimlas didn’t know nor did he care, he can’t seem to care about anything anymore other than his cat.

Yet the thought still is chilling when his mother died she smiled as if she knew it was coming, yet she didn’t care? Maybe but the motive for her and her husbands murder is unknown to the police but Reimlas knew everything he would not be mocked by the details so he simply just left he did not care for what the police found for they would mock him. But he was not of age to leave on his own, having both of his wings broken he was given to his grandparents and they were murdered too. The same way his mother and father were they were beheaded though this time grandma was just torn to shreds intestines everywhere blood was dripping from the ceiling, the intestines hung up as if a child was going to swing in them. Grandma had her eyes in her mouth and tongue cut down the middle and put in her eye sockets, that alone made Reimlas throw up. Though you didn’t see what happened to grandpa they broke his neck hung him and disemboweled him, he was in one piece other than grandma.

It was sickening he knew who did it but he couldn’t do a single damn thing, or they’d kill his cat, If they killed his cat the last thing tying him to his sanity will be gone and he will go f*cking insane, also he didn’t want his cat to be dead too so he kept quiet on the sidelines and it just never gets better. He’s slowly going insane, he can no longer take the mistreatments he’s done with it all. At this point to Reimlas he thinks that these people think it’s a game, who will become insane first?

Apparently it would be himself. Because if he told a single soul he would become labeled insane that’s how this world works if you say something someone else doesn’t believe they will fight you over it. But if you say something that is right, people have enough money then you will be the insane one. But that’s what the world has come down to, if you have money you will survive if you don’t then you’re irrelevant. It’s almost like saying only the fittest survive and the weak die, but that wouldn’t be the case at all.

Reinmlas was so done with the world what could he do? Slit his throat and die? No he isn’t going to go insane that’s what he thinks anyways and the thought just never seems to be getting better, it just seems to get more distorted. Reimlas woke up and seen his cat was dead, hard in his arms and he went out to bury mittens and said goodbye. Something seemed to break inside of him and he gently grabbed some of his pink locks and pulled starting to laugh maniacally, tears of sorrow, joy, and laughter he was breaking, he was finally going insane.

You know that moment when you’ve held something secret for so long, it’s starting to break you? That’s what Reimlas was experiencing at the moment he was going insane because he kept the truth from everyone now the only things that he remotely cared about are dead, but now it’s time to reap what had been sown Mr. and Mrs. Johnsonis.

Mind you Reimlas has went through multiple courses of study throughout the years so it wasn’t just that, he’s now a young man, he is a forensic scientist and he has a lot of degrees in the specific fields, his teachers even said they wouldn’t be surprised if he pulled off the perfect murder one day and that’s saying something sadly. Reimlas hasn’t been the same after that day, his emotions are all faked because he just doesn’t feel anything, gratification for his work does nothing either.

Reimlas was going to murder the Johnsonis, but he had an even better idea. Though at this point he wasn’t even human anymore, he murmured to himself as he twirled a scalpel on his gloved finger. “I am a monster..born in blood but something oddly reminds me of home, the place my parents were murdered, though something doesn’t feel right, I don’t think I’m even human anymore, though life doesn’t have to be fun, I suppose it only has to be lived and that’s the end of it.” Reimlas said throwing his scalpel and it shatters a pot. “The guilt of what they have made me will be enough to eat them alive.” He’s right if someone feels guilty enough for what they have done they will try and repent for said sin. “Though this game is over now... I win.”

Reimlas had a horrific smile come across his face as he started to laugh manically again. He broke completely, not even looking at the deep cuts on his wrists could get him to stop and even when looking at them he laughed harder. “Weakness is a sin, it’s top to stop being weak HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.” Reimlas started twitching as he laughed, he reached into his pocket to grab his freshly sharpened scalpel and drove it into his leg, it cut into him like butter like he anticipated, he didn’t scream or cry he simply just stopped laughing.

Reimlas let the blood on his fingers fall to the ground as he held the wound he created it wasn’t that deadly. He lifted his hands to look at them and he immediately got flashbacks of that small room he was crammed in with his parents dead and rancid smelling bodies, he was crying, traumatized.

Reimlas got up and wrapped up his wound and headed towards the door with his keys in his hand and gloves on, a smirk on his face. It’s time to pay the Johnsonis’ daughter a visit. Reimlas got in his car loosened his pink locks opened the mirror and then did his make up and grabbed his guitar, the Johnsonis Family think that Reimlas has forgotten the crime they have committed against him but no he hasn’t in fact he thinks it’s fitting to say, an eye for an eye.

Reimlas closed the mirror and the thing it was on before starting his car and backing out of the driveway. Reimlas still lives in his grandparents neighborhood so he didn’t exactly go anywhere the house his parents got murdered in still belonged to him, people were fighting him over the house and losing terribly. Reimlas sighed he needed to put on an emotional mask real quick which he achieved by smiling to the old lady that’s just a hag and then he waved to the newly married couple who were watering plants together up each other’s ass.

To be clear the neighborhood that Reimlas lived in is for the rich people to live no poor people or middle class allowed here. Giant houses and mansions anything you could think of is probably here. Reimlas dodged a cat with his car that he almost hit and killed, he would have tried to be upset if that happened because that’s a normal response to killing something. Reimlas pulled into the driveway of the Johnsonis house and got out grabbing his guitar he made his way to the front door.

He rang the bell three times to have the door answered by the youngest daughter, Lola, Reimlas leant in and kissed her lips, her parents were home but were passed out. This is what he has to endure for five more seconds before she takes him up to her room. It’s very girly and pink, neon fucking pink. And he hates her room so much but he never says a word.

‘Think like a forensic scientist on a crime scene what am I looking for?’ Reimlas thought before he covered Lola’s beautiful blue eyes and pushed her down on her bed, he had blind folded her, made her move into a comfortable position and told her an extremely sad story, his backstory and made her cry.

He still had gloves on as he seized the scalpel he had earlier sharpened but he didn’t use this one to stab himself, he made her take the scalpel she didn’t realize what it was and he told her it would check her heartbeat it had to be jabbed onto the place where her heart was.

She was stupid to believe it, killed herself instantly because she made her own heart burst. ‘That will be ruled a suicide.’ Reimlas said in his head and then he got up making sure no evidence was left behind and then he grabbed his guitar and casually left the room.

The brother how did he take care of him? He gave him a drug that makes you claw your own eyes out and itch until you bleed, the dude just shot himself in the head. He found the easy way out of the suffering and Reimlas smirked. ‘Two suicides that must be linked to something don’t you think?’ Reimlas thought grabbing his belongings and leaving. ‘Nothing extraordinary needed to happen just revenge and it feels good, I hope you guys like being childless. Like I liked having no mother and father.’ Reimlas thought as he walked out and laughed running a hand through his pink locks and then he left before the neighbors seen him.